Kakuzu
by Tyranno's girl
Summary: In Kakuzu Hoku's new foster home there are twenty-one windows and fourteen doors. Thirteen of the doors open and close. The fourteenth is locked...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, I watched the movie Coraline last month and am deciding to do a kind of cross-over with it and Naruto. If it turns out completely retarded… I apologize, this idea has just been in my head since I saw that awesome movie.

**Disclaimer- Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Coraline belongs to Neil Gaiman. **

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The scene starts with a needled hand receiving a small rag-doll of a young, spiky-haired blonde with whisker marks as it comes through the window. It takes the doll and starts to disassemble it. It takes a small paring-knife and sliced open the mouth of the doll.

It then was joined by another as it pulled out the straw that served as hair. The hands then pulled the doll's body inside out, the stuffing falling out. The hands then took out a needle and began sewing a new pattern and shape into the doll. The hands gave the doll long, scraggly dark-brown hair.

They sewed on a black jumpsuit…

Scar-like stitches onto the 'skin'…

And last, but surely not least, emerald-green buttons into the eye-area. The needle-hands then take the doll and fling it through the window into the night.

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**A/N: Okay that's the first chapter, I had to do this one because I'm going by the movie-verse** **and not the book. I hope you were able to figure out who the doll represents, if not, I am one crappy story-teller. Oh well, please read and review. **

**-Tyranno's girl **


	2. Meet Hidan and Feline

**A/N: Here's chapter 1! I hope you enjoy, seeing as the last chapter was so short. **

**Disclaimer- Don't own nadda… Except for my ideas, those have patent-pending. **

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There is a moving truck driving up a muddy hill. When it finally got to the top, there was a large, blue building in view. The truck passes a sign that reads: "Blue Palace Manor." The truck parks in front of the building and two movers jump out and begin unloading. As they start moving boxes into the large house, a young blonde, pony-tailed teen jumps up from the basement. He looks at the movers and begins to cheer, "Yay! Our new brother is here! Our new brother is he…" before he gets a block of wood thrown at him from the same basement. After a few hours, the movers finish. One of them goes to the door and hands a clipboard to whoever's inside. A pair of hands take the clipboard and sign it before trying to slam the door. The mover, however, sticks his foot in-between the space between door and door-jam. He holds out his hand and waits for a response. The hands inside give the mover a dollar-bill and slam the door before he notices.

Behind the house, the backdoor opens to reveal a young teenage boy. He has long, brown scraggly, brown hair, tan skin covered in stitches and piercing emerald eyes. He zipped up the jacket to the black jumpsuit he was wearing and gave a deep sigh before walking off. He walked to the elaborate maze of dead flora that he presumed to be this 'garden' that his new caretakers had been bragging about. He jumped over a hedge and snapped off a twig. He then used his hands to rip off all the leaves and broke it in half so that it had 'handles'. The teen then held it out in front of himself and began to walk as if dragged by it. He walked along an old, worn trail next to a hill, to far in his own world to notice a fluffy, white cat with wide, magenta that happened to be following him on the hillside.

He continued to walk, passing an apple tree, a wheelbarrow filled with old, browning fruit, and a fence. He still didn't notice the cat that was following him. He finally made it to a clearing that had a circular patch of mushrooms growing. The teen stepped in the center of it and stopped to look around. There was a rustle in a nearby bush. The boy looked over for a second before picking up a stone and tossing it. The stone hit the bush, followed by a loud 'Mrreeeooowww!!' The brunette flinched, afraid for all of a second, before throwing another rock. This time the cat jumped out, hissing at the teen. The boy chuckled but then stated, seriously,

"You scared me to death, you mangy fleabag!" The feline just looked at the strange boy with those wide, magenta eyes. The boy just scoffed as he turned and said, "Look, I'm just looking for the old well that's supposed to be around here. Do you know it?" The cat just closed its eyes and gave a silent nod. The boy stated, "Not talking, huh?" He then held out the twig and started spinning slowly, chanting, "Magic dowser… Magic dowser… Show me.. The well!" At that moment, a cackling, screech of a laugh rang out through the air. The brunette whipped his head around just to see a strange, cloaked figure raising a bloody scythe above his head. The teen held his position, the twig in his hands for use as a weapon. The figure ran towards the brunette waving the scythe in a frantic motion. "Get the hell away from me!!" The brunette teen screamed as he swung the stick, trying to block the figure's attack. The stranger stopped just in time to see the brunette fall to the ground from the exertion of his swipes. The teen swore he could have heard giggling as the figure leaned down to pick up the twig. The stranger then lifted up the hood and started,

"Sunagakure?" The brunette calmed down and gave a questioning look. The figure turned out to be another teen, a bit younger than the brunette, with white hair, pale skin, and magenta eyes that reminded the elder teen a lot of that cat. The albino looked at the brunette and continued, "Or maybe even Iwagakure. My guess is that you're from some place really dry and barren. Which explains the whole 'magic-stick' thing. I've heard about trying to find water with old-timey means but it's just not possible." The brunette had had enough of the albino's chattering and stated,

"Gryphin Avenue."(1) The albino turned and gave a,

"Huh?" The brunette replied,

"Gryphin Avenue? Takigakure?" The albino shrugged and went on,

"Any who… I'm Hidan." The brunette asked,

"'Hidan'?" To which Hidan replied,

"It means 'Shining Stairway'(2) or something like that." He took a rosary from inside his shirt, which was a triangle suspended upside-down in a circle. "My religion influenced it. So what did you get saddled with?" The brunette shrugged his shoulders and stated,

"I didn't get _saddled_ with anything. It's Kakuzu. Kakuzu Hoku." Hidan shrugged and said,

"I was under the impression that people with violent names like 'Kakuza' led fairly violent lives." Kakuzu groaned and retorted,

"It's _Kakuzu_!" He then snapped, "And I don't have any time for psychopathic cult-freaks…" Kakuzu looked down to see that white feline walking up to the two teens. "..Or their cats!" Hidan looked down and stated,

"Shows what you know! She's not _my_ cat!" Hidan then began to pet the ball of fluff as he continued, "She's actually sort of wild." Kakuzu smirked,

"Wild? My ass, she's a spoiled pussy-cat!" The cat flinched at this and hissed in Kakuzu's direction. He then sighed and said, "Look, I'm just trying to find the well that's supposed to be out here…" Hidan smirked as he put down his scythe,

"Stomp any harder and you'll fall in it!" Kakuzu jumped up and noticed that the ground that he was on was a bit more flexible that the rest. He walked off and Hidan crouched on the ground to wipe away the dirt that covered various wooden planks. The albino stated, "It's supposed to be so deep, that if you were to fall in and look up, you would see a night sky full of stars on a sunny day." Kakuzu simply 'Hm'-ed as he observed the wood-covered well. He hardly noticed when Hidan walked up to him and said, "I'm surprised that you and your family got the place." Kakuzu snapped out of his whimsy and stated coldly,

"They're not my family." Hidan shrugged and continued,

"You're not the only orphan around these parts. My caretaker, Sasuke (3), he owns the Blue Palace… Never rents it out to people with kids…" Kakuzu asked,

"Why's that?" Hidan continued with a somewhat frown,

"He says it's dangerous. I don't know." The albino picked up his scythe and let the white cat jump onto his shoulder and stated, "I gotta go. It was nice meeting a Takigakuran water-wizard." He then turned real quick and stated, "But, um… I'd wear gloves next time." Kakuzu replied,

"Why..?" Hidan stated,

"Because that 'dowsing-rod' of yours… It's actually poison-oak." Kakuzu yelped and dropped the wood before scratching his hands. Hidan giggled again before running off. Kakuzu frowned as the boy left but looked over at the well. He picked up one last rock before finding a hole in the wood and dropping the stone in. He then pressed his ear to the hole and waited. About 15 minutes later there was a far away 'splash'. At the same time, a raindrop fell on Kakuzu's head.

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**A/N: **

**Gryphins are legendary creatures that have been known to hoard money. So of course I linked this with Kakuzu. **

**When I was looking up translations of the Akatsuki's names, Hidan's name roughly translated into this. The dictionary I used may have been off, or maybe it wasn't. **

**Yep, that's right, Sasuke is older than the Akatsuki in this fic. I had to do it this way for the sake of the story **

**Well, there's chapter 1. What came before this was actually the prologue, but it's all good as long as people review. Please? **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	3. House Appraisal

**A/N: Sorry if the definitions confused anyone, is so fricken's strict on its 'no list'-policy. I'll try and list any notes better on this chapter. **

**Disclaimer- Don't own sqwat... **

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The next morning Kakuzu was stuck in the kitchen of his new home, watching the rain fall uncessantly. His only companion the 'click-clacking' from the table. He scratched his, now red, hand as he stated to the elder blonde woman who was typing frantically on her laptop on the table in the room, "I almost fell down a well the other day, Old Lady." She replied,

"Uh-huh." He sighed and continued,

"I could have _died_, Double-D's." She replied,

"That's nice." He shrugged as he walked over and asked,

"So can I go outside? I think that it's perfect weather for gardening, Tsunade." The blonde replied,

"No, Kakuzu... Rain makes mud and mud makes a mess." Kakuzu simply retorted, with a sort of whine,

"But I want things _growing_ when people come to visit! Isn't that why you guys live here?" Tsunade sighed,

"Yes, but then we had..." She pointed to the medical-brace on her neck and the stitches on the teen's face, "The accident." He scoffed,

"It wasn't my fault that you hit that car..." Tsunade replied,

"I never said that it was." Kakuzu mumbled loudly as he started to scratch his hand again,

"I can't believe that he writes porno and you write about gardening when you hate dirt." Tsunade abruptly stopped typing and stated,

"Kakuzu! I don't have time for you right now... And you have unpacking to do," She leaned in over her laptop, "_Lots_ of unpacking to do!!" Kakuzu narrowed his green eyes and groaned,

"That sounds like _so_ much _fun_..!" Tsunade frowned and went back to typing. Before long, however, she said,

"Oh. Some albino kid dropped this off at the front porch.", and held out a newspaper wrapped parcel. Kakuzu took it and read what was messily written on it.

_'Hey! Kuzu! Look what I found in the old man's attic! Look familiar?_

_Hidan'_

Kakuzu sighed and unwrapped the package. In it was a small rag-doll that was a perfect likness of himself. He gave a perplexed look and asked to no one in particualr, "Huh. A little me?"

"What's his name?" Tsuande asked, not looking up from her laptop once. Kakuzu replied, tossing the paper on the ground,

"Hidan. And I'm neither the right age nor gender for dolls." As he walked away. After a while of walking, Kakuzu made it to his adoptive-father's office. Said white-haired man was busy looking at a porn magazine while also typing on the relic of a computer on his desk. "Hey, Pervert." The man didn't reply. "Old man?" Silence. "Jiraiya!" Jiraiya stopped and replied,

"Hello, Kakuzu," He looked at Kakuzu's reflection in the computer and saw the rag-toy, "And Kakuzu-doll." He shrugged his shoulder and went back to work. Kakuzu continued,

"So do you know where the gardening-tools are?" Jiraiya typed some more, responding,

"Um... It's pouring outside."

"It's just rain." Kakuzu scoffed, leaning against the door. Jiraiya asked,

"What did the boss say?" Kakuzu jumped and began swinging his doll around, chastising it with a mocking-voice,

"'Don't even think about going out there, Kakuzu Hoku!!'" Jiraiya smirked,

"Then I guess you won't be needing the tools." Kakuzu groaned as leaned back on his heels. A squeaking sound occured. He looked down and back up at the elder, a wicked smile following. He held onto the door as he swung back and forth, from the heel of his feet to front, causing all sorts of squeaks from the aged floor. It was nerve-wrecking to anyone who was trying to work. Jiraiya demonstrated by haltingly typing until he held his head in his hands and groaned. He turned around and stood up, saying, "You know... This house is more than 150 years old." Kakuzu said,

"And?" At that, Jiraiya picked a blank notebook and pencil and handed them to the stitched boy,

"So... Go explore it! Count all the doors and windows, catalogue everything that's blue. Just..." He sat down with a sigh, "Let me and your mother work!" Kakuzu took the pencil and notebook and walked out of the room. Once out, he unzipped and removed his jump-suit jacket, revealing more tanned skin, stitches, and some pretty impressive muscles for a 17 year-old. He walked onto the carpet and realized that there was a lump. Being sort of OCD-ish, he stepped on it to smooth it out. Two more lumps arose. He jumped on both of those, only succeeding in making a bigger lump. He simply frowned and walked away. He made it to a large panel of windows, which were fogged over from the rain. He rubbed a place for his face and the doll's so that they could look around. Afterwards, he wrote: _Twelve leaky windows._ A drop of water dripping on the paper as if to taunt him. He looked up and after picking up the doll murmured,

"I should fix that." He walked off again, this time winding up in a bathroom. He surveyed the space a little before removing the shower curtain. "Ugh!" He grimaced upon seeing a vast assortment of inscets scaling the shower-wall. He instinctively dropped his things and began to squash all of them with his hands. Only after looking at his hands did he regret that decision. He twisted one of the knobs on the wall, expecting the faucet to run so he could clean his hands. The shower-head turned on, soaking the already-angry boy. He quickly turned it off, growling as he shook water out of his hair. He wrote:_ An infestation of bugs_ on the paper and pondered, "I wonder how much exterminators are around here?" His miser side came in and he grimaced, saying, "Fuck it, I'll just do it my self." He was on the prowl again, going down the stairs and he saw that lump in the carpet. He jumped over the stair-railing and onto the bump, causing a nearby closet to open. He walked in and while fumbling around for a light touched what was revealed to be water-heater, burning his hand. "Fuck!" He hissed, shaking his hand to ward off the burn. He squinted his eyes trying to find something to light up the room and he found a pair of buttons on the wall. He pressed one and nothing happened. But suddenly, the lights of the house began to flicker on and off.

In his office, Jiraiya was downloading some limited-edition images for his novel that his company just sent him. All of a sudden, the lights started short-circuiting. He whispered, "What the hell?" Before looking at his computer, which had all of his work, unsaved, on it and was now malfunctioning. His eyes widened, him exclaiming, "What! Wait! No no no no no!" The computer went blank, eliciting a scream of, "NNOOO!!!"

Kakuzu heard and he quickly pressed the button underneath the previous one, settling the lights back down. It was then that he noticed a faded piece of tape next to the buttons that said something that looked like 'Don't touch'. The brunette frowned and wrote: _One rusty old water-heater_ before sneaking out of the closet. The last room Kakuzu explored was the parlor. It was a round room with a lot of things still covered up, a fire place, and an old picture on top of the fire place mantle. After setting the doll down on a covered up couch, Kakuzu walked up and looked at the picture, which turned out to be a painting of a little blonde boy in a blue suit whining over a spilt ice cream cone. "Wow, it sucks to be you..." Kakuzu murmured as he wrote down: _One boring blue boy in a boring painting_. He counted the windows of the room: _Four boring windows_ And after looking around again, he sighed a slightly content sigh, "And no.. more.. doors.", and reached for the doll. Just to find that it wasn't there. He gave a questioning look before scanning the room, "Alright, Little Me, where are you?" He looked around before seeing a small, black boot underneath a covered painting. "Hmph." He walked over and moved the painting. He was about to pick up the doll, but was distracted by something. There, in the wall, was a small door; about small enough for him to get through. But it was covered up by the wallpaper. Looking it over, he saw what appeared to be a keyhole and instantly, his money-loving mind went to, "Treasure!" "HEY, OLD LADY!!" He yelled, trying to reach Tsunade, "WHAT'S THIS DOOR FOR?!" The blonde woman was typing up a storm but yelled back,

"I'M REALLY, _REALLY_ BUSY!" Kakuzu ignored this comment and while looking at the door again, yelled,

"I THINK IT'S LOCKED!!" Tsunade still typed until Kakuzu pleaded, "PLEASE?!!" She groaned loudly but she got up and out from the kitchen. When she made it to the parlor, she looked at Kakuzu and the infamous door. She then crossed arms across her chest and tapped her foot aginst the floor, with an angry look on her face, saying,

"If I do this, will you stop bothering us?" Kakuzu gave a thoughtful look before saying,

"I make no promises except that I will try." Tsunade walked back to the kitchen and opened a drawer that had a multitude of keys in it. She picked out the one that had a button on it and glanced at it questioningly. She also got a box-cutter. Upon rerturning to the parlor, she cut around the shape of the door and inserted the key.. Kakuzu had a look of anticipation; As did the Kakuzu-doll. Then Tsunade opened the door, revealing... "Bricks?! What the hell? What kind of money am I going to get for bricks?! It's not like they're golden or anything!" Tsunade rolled her eyes as she stood up,

"This is probably one of the areas that they bricked up a long time ago when this house was a school." Kakuzu sighed,

"You're kidding right?" But then asked, "But why is the door so small..?" Tsunade yelled,

"WE HAD A DEAL!! Zip it!" And walked out of the room. Kakuzu murmured something about 'Menopause' before observing,

"YOU DIDN'T LOCK IT!" A frustrated scream was his reply. In the kitchen, Tsunade threw the key back in the drawer and slammed it shut. Kakuzu shut the door in the parlor.

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_"Oh my twitchy-witchy boys_

_I think you are so nice_

_I feed you bowls of sugar and I feed you bowls of Ice--"_ At that Jiraiya, spooned some green mush onto the plate in front of Kakuzu at the dinner table. Kakuzu frowned in disgust. _"-Cream!"_ Kakuzu looked over his food: Some kind of boiled chicken with somekind of red-wine sauce and some kind of vegetable-mush. He tried to strike up a conversation,

"I thought you guys had three other adopted kids." Jiraiya stated,

"They have their own jobs and they have kitchens on their floors so they mostly keep to themselves." Kakuzu murmured,

"I wonder why...", sarcastically as he swallowed a tiny bit of chicken. He grimaced as it went down, and asked the blonde woman, "Why don't you ever cook, Double-D's?" Tsunade frowned and stated,

"Kakuzu, we have deal: Your father cooks, I clean, and you and your brothers stay out of the way." She went back to typing while eating and she said, "Eat your char, you need a vegetable." Kakuzu picked up a fork-full and said,

"Looks more like slime to me..." Jiraiya stated,

"Well, it's slime or bedtime, mister." Kakuzu looked at his tiny replica and asked,

"Think they're trying to poison me as some kind of life-insurance fraud?" He made the doll nod its head and he sighed.

He was in bed, most of his things still in suitcases, and the doll on the chair next to him. He turned and saw his picture of two of his old friends from Takigakure. He whispered, "Don't forget about me, guys." He then turned to the doll and said, "Good night, Little Me.", with a chuckle. His emerald eyes slowly drifted to a close.

Down in the parlor, from the door, a piece of blue and a piece of silver thread squirmed through the cracks between the bricks. After a bit of squirming around, they formed the designs of four fish **(1)**.

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**(1)** **I changed the animal theme from rats to fish. Can you give a guess to who lives in the attic? **

**Wel, now that that's out of the way, we can really have some fun. Please, R&R**

**-Tyranno's girl **


	4. The Other House

Kakuzu was awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of splashing underneath his bed. He furrowed his brow in confusion before looking underneath the bed. There was a small clownfish with what seemed like small black eyes flipping and flopping about underneath the brunette's bed. When it sensed that it had been discovered, it flopped from under the bed and into the hallway. "Okay, why hasn't it drowned yet?" Kakuzu questioned right before jumping off from his bed and following the small fish. The fish flipped and flopped down the stairs and down the walk-way into the parlor, Kakuzu following all the way. When he arrived into the parlor, Kakuzu saw that the fish was slipping underneath the small door from earlier. "Oh no you don't!" Kakuzu ran over to the door just as the fish went under and he opened the door. Once opened, the door revealed a long, winding tunnel. It was a sparkling mixture of purples and blues, and it was very cool. This was demonstrated when a cold breeze of wind blew into Kakuzu's face, causing him to squint his eyes a bit. _"Well, the bricks are gone..."_ Kakuzu observed mentally. An idea popped into his head, although it was probably against his better judgement. He looked around real quick and silently began to crawl into the tunnel. He had to crawl on his hands and knees, as the tunnel was wide enough for him, but not that tall. In a few minutes he reached another door. He reached for the knob and twisted it, opening and revealing...

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"What the hell?" Kakuzu murmured as he looked around the room he was in. It was another parlor. Not just any parlor, this one looked exactly like the one he just left. He crawled out of the tunnel and looked around. Yep, everything was the same from the covered chairs to the fireplace, from the snow-globes to the painting on the wall... "Wait a second." He walked over to and looked at the painting. It was the same blonde boy in the same blue outfit but this time he was happily eating his ice-cream. Kakuzu looked at it a while more before his nose picked up a most delightful aroma. "Damn, something smells good..." He walked in the direction of the smell, which turned out to be the kitchen. As he got closer, there was the sound of a feminine voice humming happily. When he arrived at the kitchen, he saw a woman who lloked a lot like Tsunade, at least from the back. Also, her hair was black. He exclaimed, "Tsunade?! What the hell are you doing up so damn la..." The woman turned around suddenly, revealing a smiling face and shiny, black, button-eyes, and chimed,

"You're just in time for supper, dear!" Kakuzu's eyes widened a bit when he saw the smiling face. But it was more because of those _eyes_.

"You're n-not the old lady." He started, angry at himself for stuttering in fear. "She doesn't have b.. bu..." The woman giggled and replied,

"Bu-bu-buttons?" A giggle. "I'm your Other-Mother, silly." She opened the oven, revealing a delicious-looking roast-chicken. "Now go and tell your Other-Father that dinner's ready." Kakuzu was still silent, giving a confused look to the woman. She smiled as she put on a chicken-shaped oven-mitt, "Go on. He's in his study." Kakuzu nodded and backed out of the room, all the while keeping an eye on the woman. As he left he just couldn't help but think,

_"My birth-mother had shiny, black hair just like that..."_ He walked down the hallway to where he believed Jiraiya's office would be and when he opened the door there was a brown-haired man sitting at a grand-piano, playing various notes. Kakuzu coughed before calling out, "H-Hello?" The man turned around in his seat revealing a striking resemblance to Jiraiya, brown-hair instead of white, and button-eyes before saying,

"Hello, Kakuzu!" Kakuzu flinched a bit but was silent as he looked at the man. The Other-Jiraiya asked, "Want to hear my new song?" Kakuzu replied,

"Jiraiya can't play the piano." The Other-Jiraiya smirked and cheered,

"No need to!" Just then, a pair of metal-cords with two gloved-hands at the end of each popped out of the piano, placing the gloves on each of the Other-Jiraiya's hands. Kakuzu gasped right before the elder-brunette stated, "This piano plays me! Whoa!", the cords turning him around to the keys. He played a couple and then broke out into a song.

_"__Making up a song about Kakuzu!  
He's a prince, He's a doll, He's just true-blue! _  
_He's as cute as a button in the _

_eyes of anyone whoever laid their eyes on Kakuzu! __  
When He comes around exploring  
Mom and I will never ever make it boring  
our eyes will be on Kakuzu! (1)"_

Kakuzu was actually liking the fact that someone was singing about him, but he remebered what the Other-Tsunade had asked him to do. "I'm sorry to interrupt but she asked me to tell you that dinner's ready." The Other-Jiraiya smiled and said,

"Mmm. Who's hungry?" The piano rose both of his hands up, "Whoa, there!" Kakuzu chuckled a bit before the crushing reality of how wierd this all was caused a frown to appear on his face. _____________________________________________________________________

The three sat at a large dining-table where the Other-Tsunade set the chicken in the middle of a grand-feast of a meal. When the Other-Tsunade sat down, the Other-Jiraiya bowed his head and stated, "We ask to take this time to bless, our Mother's golden..." He smiled, "Chicken-breast!" Tsuande feigned a frown before the started to eat. Kakuzu took a drumstick from the chicken and, after sniffing it, took a bite. A flood of flavor assaulted his tastebuds.

"This chicken is delicious!" He commented. The Other-Tsunade smiled,

"Hungry, aren't you?" Kakuzu piled some mashed-potatoes onto his plate and looked around the table asking,

"Do you have any gravy?" The black-haired woman stated,

"Well, here comes the gravy-train. Choo-choo!" She giggled as a small toy-train drove around the table to Kakuzu, and poured some gravy onto his potatoes.

"Hm." He mumbled as as he started eating again. The Other-Tsunade offered,

"Another roll? Sweet-Peas? Corn-on-the-cob?" Kakuzu swallowed and said,

"I'm _really_ thirsty."

"Sure! Any requests?" Tsuande stated as a carousel of drinks came down from the cieling. Kakuzu thought for a minute and said,

"Cinnamon-Milkshake?" The machine brought iut a cup and a strw and filled the cup with the brown-drink. Kakuzu took it and drank some down while the black-haired woman took his plate away. When the Other-Jiraiya placed a cake in front of him he noted, _"My father had spiky-brown hair too. That's how I got mine..."_ He then looked at the cake which 'grew' icing-flowers that said, "Welcome Home!" "Home?" He asked. The Other-Jiraiya walked over to the Other-Tsunade and lovingly placed his hands on her shoulders. Tsunade smiled and stated,

"We've been waiting for you, Kakuzu."

"For me?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. Other-Jiraiya responded,

"Wasn't the same without you, kiddo." Other-Tsunade said,

"And when you're done eating, I was thinking that we could play a game!", her button-eyes shining and her fingers tapping against the table. Kakuzu frowned,

"Seriously? A game? What, like 'hide-and-seek' or something?"

"Perfect! Hide-and-Seek... In the rain!" Tsuande beamed happily.

"What rain?" Kakuzu asked just before a crack of thunder sounded outside the kitchen-window, a shower of rain following. "Oh. _That_ rain. What about the mud, you can't be mud fans." Other-Jiraiya jumped up and cheered,

"We _love_ mud here!" Other-Tsunade walked over to Kakuzu and cooed,

"Mud-facials, mud-pies..!" She grabbed his hand, "It's really great for poison-oak." Kakuzu brought back his hand and asked,

"How did you..?" He stopped abruptly. He then stood up from the table and smiled, "As _fun_ as that sounds, I really have to get back to the other Tsunade." The black-haired woman retorted,

"But _I'm_ the Other-Tsunade!" Kakuzu shook his head,

"I meant the real-Tsunade. The _blonde_ with the big rack? Besides, I should get to bed..." Other-Tsunade smiled and began pushing the brunette teen to and up the stairs, chattering,

"Of Course! It's all nice and made up for you!", ignoring the small bits of protests that might have escaped from Kakuzu's mouth, Jiraiya following.

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They arrived at what looked to be Kakuzu's room and first of all, there was a group of hand-stitched butterflies that looked like the ones Kakuzu had made when he was younger. Only, these were a lot friendly. _"Hello Kakuzu!" "Hi there!" "Hello!"_ Kakuzu grinned like he was a child in a toy-store at his new room. The walls were a great mixture of green and red, like his eyes, and the cieling was painted like a waterfall. In the closet were more examples of Kakuzu's handiwork: Stitched masks (some that talked, others that made funny faces), stitched outfits (some were very extravagant pieces of work, Kakuzu knew that he couldn't have made, and more) Kakuzu wanted to take closer looks at everything but a voice distracted him.

"Hey Hoku!" He glanced over and saw that his picture of his two friends in the Taki had moving images. One teen was tossing snowballs and the other was trying to avoid them. "Where're your muckers and umbrie (2)?" Kakuzu yelled in joy as he jumped onto the bed and grabbed the picture, the two adults watching him.

"Great Takigakure! How are my best comrades? You're both coming to visit, right?" The other figure in the photo proclaimed,

"_We're_ already here, Kakuzu..." The brunette teenager place the picture back on his dresser and tried to make himself comfortable in the bed. Suddenly, Kakuzu felt his hand being taken and something slathered on it. He glanced over and saw Other-Tsunade rubbing a blackish paste onto his palms.

"Oh. The mud." When the black-haired woman was done, Kakuzu gave a big yawn and fell into a deep sleep. The Other-Tsunade sat down in a chair near the mattress, the Other-Jiraiya standing behind her. Then they both cooed,

"See you soon."

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**(1)- Did you guys like my remake of the 'Coraline'-song? **

**(2)- I made up some Takigakuran-slang, muckers and umbrie meaning boots and umbrella. Not too silly, I hope.**

**A/N: Woot! Chapter 3! I'm sleepy, but please review if you have the time! **


	5. If You Could Choose Your Family

**A/N: OK! I'm finally back again. And after crying my eyes out about the death.. of.. Michael Jackson… O.O Oh God, J-just read the chapter before I start sobbing again, please! **

**Disclaimer- Don't own anything. **

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"Mrm…" Kakuzu mumbled as he rolled over in his sleep onto his back. With a loud yawn he woke up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he looked around the room. It was his regular, bland, most of his possessions still in boxes room. The brunette simply huffed and subconsciously scratched his afflicted hand only to find… "What?" His hand had healed. "It's gone. My poison oak, it's gone!" Without a moment's hesitation, Kakuzu jumped out from bed and ran to the parlor. Once there, he opened the small door to reveal… More bricks. "Someone has to be playing a joke on me." Kakuzu hummed to himself as he touched the obstruction behind the small door.

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_Gulp, gulp, gulp. _"Ah! It was incredibly real, Double-D's, Only you weren't really you, you were the 'Other-Tsunade'." Kakuzu was in the kitchen, drinking coffee and relaying all the events of his adventure to the two adults, or, rather, the one who was typing away on her laptop.

"Buttons for eyes, huh?" Tsunade mused just before closing up her laptop, picking up her mug, and standing up from the table. "Kakuzu, you only dreamt that you ate all that chicken. Take a multi-vitamin, at least." Kakuzu huffed and turned to the doorway where Jiraiya was just coming up.

"You were there too, Old Pervert, only you played piano and had crazy, orange monkey slippers." Jiraiya chuckled and sighed,

"That's impossible, _my_ monkey slippers are blue.," lifting up his foot to show his footwear. "Psst! Could you get me some of that magic-mud that you're talkin' about because I have the worst case of writers'-rash right on my a-"

"Ahem!" Tsunade coughed loudly right when Jiraiya was about scratch the afflicted part of his body. "If the _real_ Jiraiya wants his pages edited, he'd better get them to me ASAP!" When the dejected Jiraiya slinked away, Tsunade offered, "Hey, kid, why don't you go visit your brothers, the artists?" Kakuzu choked on his coffee and retorted,

"Sasori and Deidara?! But _you've_ even said that they're a few crayons short of a Crayola box!" Tsunade simply smiled and 'Mm-hm'-ed before walking out of the kitchen. Kakuzu finished his coffee, walked over to a drawer, and pulled out a pair of scissors. Smirking to himself, the brunette walked out of the kitchen and outside. He was about to keep on walking when he noticed that the front porch was a lot bumpier and squishier than he remembered. He looked down and saw a couple of boxes and bags, all addressed to a… "Kisame Hoshigaki? I guess he's brother number three." Kakuzu picked up the parcels and immediately regretted the decision when he took a smell. "OH DEAR GOD!" He coughed and turned his head away. He then saw a chain of signs that said 'Hoshigaki', then, 'This way', then, 'Up here, moron!' Kakuzu walked up the stairs that led to the attic and finally got to a blue door. It was seemingly quiet so Kakuzu knocked a bit until the door squeaked open. No one had opened it but Kakuzu could see that there was a TV., a small kitchen, a small bedroom and, what seemed to be most unusual, there were aquariums built into the walls all filled with diverse fish and sea-life. And just as Kakuzu was looking around, there was voice behind him,

"It's a _secret_…" Kakuzu turned around to see a blue-skinned teenager **(1)** who seemed to taller and more well-built than him. The teenager smiled, his piercing black eyes almost shining as he looked down at Kakuzu, "I'm _so_ sorry, but the Famous Dancing Fish Circus isn't ready today." The brunette started, still looking at the teen _(Were those gills?!)_,

"Wait a minute, did you just say 'Dancing Fish'?" Kisame smirked,

"Hai! I'm keeping my family practice alive by training fish to dance ever so nicely!!" Kakuzu stated, nervously smiling,

"Yeah! Um, hey your mail came downstairs," He held out the packages to the blue teenager.

"Hey!" Kisame took the packages and smelled them. "I wonder how long this was down there…" The shark then leaned in close to Kakuzu, his sharp teeth shining with a predatory gleam. "You sneak. Trying to look at my secret show. I don't even know who the hell you are." Kakuzu stated,

"Kakuzu Hoku." Kisame smiled again and jumped onto a rail and stated,

"I am the amazing Kisame Hoshigaki! But you can just call me Kisame because, well, 'Amazing Hoshigaki' I already know. I've been teaching the fish some new choregraphy but they can't get the salsa and they can only pirouette. It's nice and all but not amazing. So I'm seeing how they'll react to all-natural fish food." Kakuzu sighed and said,

"Well, look at the time! As fun as this has been, I should really get going…" Kisame chuckled,

"Okay, Bye Kakuza!", grabbing his packages and slamming the door as he walked in.

"That's 'Kakuzu'!" Kakuzu groaned as he walked down the steps. He hadn't been on the ground for a minute when he heard a shout of,

"Hey!! Kakuza! Stitch-boy, wait up!", just before he felt the full frame of a teenage shark land on him.

"Damn my life…" Kakuzu hissed. Kisame chuckled again as he lifted them up and said,

"By the by, the fish want me to tell you a secret!" Kakuzu grimaced,

"_This guy is really crazy!",_ Before nodding.

"The fish are warning you to stay away from the small door!" Kakuzu's breathe caught as he realized what had been said. "Does that mean anything to you?" The brunette nodded.

"But.. It's all bricked up." Kisame shrugged his shoulders.

"Maa, sometimes the fish get things mixed up. I mean, they even called you 'Kakuzu' instead of 'Kakuza'! Weird bunch of fish. Well, see ya!" With a jump, Kisame grabbed the rails and was back to his floor. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and walked over to Tsunade's, now a bit banged-up, car. There was still a package on top that he hadn't unpacked and wanted to make sure that nothing had gotten rain-damaged. He brought out the scissors he had gotten earlier and cut the ropes that held the box to the roof and said box fell down. Kakuzu ripped the container open and found a nice and dry bear-skin jacket.

"Thank goodness." He sighed as he put it on. Looking around, he made his way to the basement-door. When he got to the door, it was decorated with an engraving of a chisel and a hammer. Also, there were pictures of scorpions and canaries decorating the door. He rang a doorbell and waited for a response. It was silent. _"TWEET TWEET!"_ _"HISSS!"_ A flock of yellow birds and two scorpions attacked the door, causing the brunette to jump back.

"Hold on please, un!" A voice from inside called. When the door opened, there was a long-haired blonde with one blue eye showing and a bright smile. "Oh! Kakuza! How are you? Welcome to our humble abode, please come in, un!" Kakuzu murmured,

"It's 'Kakuzu'.", and noted, _'Annoying, peppy blonde? This must be Deidara...'_ As the two walked in, the canaries and scorpions from earlier had gotten some friends and were following the two teens.

"Danna? Where are you?" Deidara called out to his roommate. Suddenly, a red-haired teen walked out of the kitchen and stated,

"Deidara, stop. I think you're being followed.", squinting his eyes and cleaning a pair of glasses.

"It's our new brother, yeah! Kakuza!" Kakuzu growled,

"Kakuzu!" Which was dulely ignored when Deidara said,

"He'll have a nice Lemon-Lime soda, un." Sasori retorted, placing the glasses on his face,

"I think he would much rather enjoy a nice Cherry soda." Deidara frowned,

"No, un... Lemon-Lime."

"Ah! Cherry it is!" Deidara just put his face in his hand and sighed. The three teens, after Sasori gave Kakuzu his drink, sat down in the living room. Looking up at the wall, the brunette saw a creepy sight. Incredibly real-looking statues of canaries and stuffed scorpions.

"Those aren't _real_, are they?" Deidara looked up and smiled serenely,

"Our departed angels, un. Couldn't bear to part with them. So Danna stuffs his scorpions and I encase my canaries in beautiful marble." The blonde then went on to name each of the deceased creatures by name. Kakuzu drank from the glass just as Sasori set a box of cookies on the table. "Sunagakuran Pocky. Try some." Kakuzu opened the box, pulled out a pocky stick and tried to chew it only to hurt his teeth because of how hard it was. In his flurry of pain, he ended up throwing the box to the cieling only to have it stick to a smudge of clay on the cieling.

"I'll read them, if you like, un." Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Your soda bubbles, un! They'll tell me your future, yeah!" Kakuzu sipped his soda, Deidara stopping him, "No! Don't drink it all, un!" Kakuzu abruptly stopped, causing more bubbles to arise in the beverage. "That's it." Deidara took the glass and looked into to it. After a minute, Deidara gasped, "Oh! Oh, Kakuza... Kakuza, Kakuza..."

"What is it?" Kakuzu asked. Deidara continued,

"You are in grave danger, yeah." Kakuzu siffened again until Sasori walked over with a,

"Oh, give me that, Deidara! Your eyes are going!", and tried looking into it.

"_My_ eyes, Danna? Without your glasses, you're as blind as a bat!" Ignoring the blonde's insult, Sasori observed,

"Ah, it's good news!" The red-head squinted again, "There is a, uh, cute little minx in your future." Kakuzu coughed,

"What the hell?!" Deidara walked behind Sasori and looked into the glass with a,

"My sentiments exactly. See? Danger!" Kakuzu finally snapped,

"Would you two just tell me what the hell you see?!" Deidara looked closely at the bubbles.

"I see.. A very peculiar hand, un."

"I see a jaguar." Deidara and Kakuzu glanced at the red-head.

"Jaguars don't just fall out of the sky, Danna!" Finally, the box of pocky came back down with a crack, startling the three boys. After recovering from the shock, Kakuzu asked,

"Well, what should I do?" Deidara answered,

"Always keep your thermostat at a nice stable temperature, yeah" **(2)**

"Make sure to keep all your wooden objects in dry areas."

"And be extremely careful, un." Kakuzu nodded and played with the zipper on his jacket. "Now," He looked up, just to see Sasori and Deidara staring intently at him, "Was there anything important that you had to tell us?" Kakuzu was quiet for a second as he thought, but he then sighed,

"Nope, but thanks for the soda!", before walking out the door. The scorpions and canaries were more than happy to have their roost back.

When Kakuzu was outside, he thought to himself, _"Danger? That's the second warning? I have to be missing something here..."_ He walked in silence, not noticing the black bunch of fabric that was lurking behind him. There was a rustle, causing Kakuzu to look through the corner of his eye and scoff as he realized who it was. He walked a few more steps before whipping around and yanking the fabric.

"Hey!!" A familiar albino yelped as his cover was taken and his head was punched. Kakuzu rolled his eyes,

"Great, if it isn't the village stalker/idiot!" Hidan rubbed his head and yelled back,

"I'm no idiot! And that shows what you know! _We_ aren't stalking _you_! We're searching for sacrifices." Kakuzu hummed,

"_We?_" There was a soft meow before Feline popped out of Hidan's cloak. Kakuzu laughed in a mocking fashion, "I knew it, your cat's anything but wild! She's just a spoiled pussy-cat!" The cat hissed in Kakuzu's direction as it jumped onto the ground, sniffing.

"She is not!! She's a fierce predator! Look, look!" Hidan pointed at Feline who was currently batting around a large slug. Kakuzu rolled his eyes whereas Hidan jumped for joy and ran over. He took his scythe from his back and shouted, to no one inparticular, "Yes! Now the ritual may commence!" Kakuzu was about to walk away, muttering something about how 'all the teenagers around here were insane', when a camera was tossed at him. "Could you take a few pictures for me?" Kakuzu was about to say 'hell no' when a thought came to mind, causing him to smile.

"Sure... Six bucks." Hidan cheered,

"YES! I mean, WHAT?!" Kakuzu chuckled,

"Too bad, you already agreed." Hidan growled but gave Kakuzu the money, which was suspiciously blood-stained. "Okay, now just tell me when you're ready." Hidan was drawing a circle with an upside-down triangle in it around the slug. He removed his cloak and nodded to Kakuzu. The brunettte took aim and began snapping pictures: one had Hidan yelling the Jashinist's prayer, another was of Hidan trying to stab the slug with his scythe (missing due to the size of the scythe compared to the slug), then Hidan finally stabbed the poor creature, the final picture had Hidan cheering maniacally at his sucessful sacrifice. When they were done, Kakuzu took a good look at Hidan. The albino was thin, wearing a ripped up shirt that showed off his stomach and white-wash jeans that had holes on the knees. Along with the now-messy white hair and maniacal smile, the Jashinist was kind of cute. But did Kakuzu say that? Well... His idea of breaking the ice was, "You're an adorable, little psycho, aren't you?" Hidan stopped his post-sacrifice delirium to retort,

"Bite me!" Although under his breath he muttered, "Stupid sexy scarecrow...", with a blush. Kakuzu just smirked as he tossed the camera back to Hidan. Hidan put it back in his coat and then looked at the blue building behind them. "You know, I've never been inside the Blue Palace. How is it?" Kakuzu gave a perplexed look,

"You haven't?" Hidan turned back to him,

"Sasuke would kill me! Like I said before, he thinks it's dangerous." Kakuzu had had enough, so he asked back,

"Yeah, why is that?" Hidan took a couple of silent steps, Feline pawing over to the roof of the building.

"Well, according to old chicken-butt **(3)**, back when this place was a school, he used to go here when he was a teenager. Also, he had the cutest little high school sweet-heart, some blonde named Naruko..? No, it was Naruto! Well, one day, just up and out of the blue, Naruto disappeared." He looked up at the building again. "Sasuke is convinced that something took him." At that moment, Feline sensed something and turned around towards the window. The Kakuzu-doll was suspsiciously sitting on the window-sill, almost watching the two boys with its button gaze. Feline narrowed her eyes and hissed at it. Meanwhile, Kakuzu nodded as he heard the story, but he asked,

"What do you think?" Hidan shook his head,

"I don't know! Maybe he got sick of life at this school and ran away!", he had subconsciously backed up from the building as he was yelling, Kakuzu noticed. The brunette decided to change the subject.

"Hm, that doll, did you make it look like me? If so, you have some real talent." Hidan scoffed with a smirk,

"Hell no! I found it like that in Sasuke's attic! Things probably older than the chicken-haired bastard himself!" Kakuzu chuckled in disbelief, deep and hearty,

"Come on! My emerald eyes, black jump-suit, and stitches?!" He pointed to each detail in turn. Hidan just turned away quickly and trembled a bit. "You're not a good liar, you know that?" In the next moment, it was like a volcano errupted.

"WELL YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?! I JUST WANTED TO GET RID OF THE JASHIN-DAMNED THING, IT GIVES ME THE FUCKING CREEPS!!!" Hidan exploded in Kakuzu's face, blushing heavily before he called Feline down and ran home.

"Hey, would you wait..!" Kakuzu tried to say but Hidan was too far away. "What the hell is his problem?!" Kakuzu asked himself. He then growled, filled to the brim with frustration, "I HAVE HAD IT! Who cares if its dangerous?! I'm going back to that Other-house!" The brunette started to go inside, to the kitchen. "I just need..." His eyes landed on a few slices of toast, and he smiled, "..some bait."

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**(1) This one goes out to anyone else who watched 'Coraline', did you guys notice that Mr. Bobinsky had blue skin too? I just noticed that while writing this chapter. **

**(2) I have read so many fanfics with Deidara whining about his explosives over-heating. I wanted to add it for his clay. **

**(3) Sorry Sasuke, I couldn't resist. ^.^ **

**I'm sorry for the long chappie, but we're about to have more fun with the Other-Tsunade, so stay tuned and please review. Yay!**


	6. Second Visit

**A/N: New chapter! Let's see what awaits Kuzu this time. **

**Disclaimer- I'm not going to repeat the fact that I don't own anything and I'm not getting anything for this story on every chapter, okay?! **

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Later that evening, Kakuzu crumbled up some bread-crumbs and spread them around underneath his bed. "Let's see if that really was just a malnutrition-induced dream." The brunette hummed to himself as he dusted off his hands before jumping into bed. "I wonder if.." A yawn interrputed him, "If I'm... thinking too.. too much into.. this..." With that he fell asleep.

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_Splish! Splash! Splosh!_

"What the hell?" Kakuzu mumbled as he was woken up. He instantly woke up when he realized what the noise was. He looked underneath his bed and this time there was a clown-fish, a parrot-fish, and a guppy. They were all gathering up the bread-crumbs, just like Kakuzu had expected and when they felt eyes upon them, they all splashed out the door, crumbs in tow. "So, the chase is on." Kakuzu whispered before going after them. Once again, he ran down the stairs and followed the fish into the parlor. They all slipped underneath the seem right before Kakuzu yanked the door open. Once again, that mystic path-way was apparent, the fish were swimming down it. Kakuzu simply smirked as he felt the rush of cool air at his face. Without so much as a second thought, he crawled into the small door.

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He arrived in the other-parlor and immediately made his way to the other-kitchen. Sure enough, "Hello again, dear!" The Other-Tsunade greeted him as she was at the stove cooking.

"Hi..." Kakuzu replied, almost in a daze. It was real. The other-parlor, the other-kitchen, the other...

"Oh, and I have to thank you for these delicious bread-crumbs that you brought for us!"

"Bread-crumbs?" Kakuzu asked before he looked into the pan where the Other-Tsunade was breading some shrimp and frying them. "Oh!" He whispered, "The fish-bait." The black-haired woman turned with a smile and asked,

"Could you go fetch your father? I bet he's as hungry as a bull-frog by now!" Kakuzu nodded but said,

"You mean my Other-Father?"

"Your better father dear. He should be working in the garden." Kakuzu shook his head,

"No. You guys are supposed hate dirt, rememb.." Before he could finish, the Other-Tsunade stuck a strawberry in his mouth. It was bliss. "Okay, if there's more of _that_ in the garden, I'm off!" Kakuzu smiled and ran out through the back-door of the kitchen. When he was outside, at first, it was pitch-black. However, soon, flowers of every color rose up from the ground and seemed to light the way to the garden. There were plannts that grew on the wall that were shaped like hearts and pitcher plants that had multi-colored frogs with button eyes in them. Suddenly, three button-eyed humming birds flew over and entertained Kakuzu for a while before there was a voice on the other side of the diverse garden.

"Hey!" It was the Other-Jiraiya riding on some sort of praying-mantis-shaped contraption that was spitting out seeds and watering them. Kakuzu beamed back,

"I love your garden!!" The Other-Jiraiya called back,

"'Our' garden, Kakuzu!" Kakuzu was distracted by the contraption before he felt something at his feet. He looked down and saw a patch of snap-dragon flowers kissing at his feet. His eyes widened as they started to kiss at sensitive spots.

"Stop that, damn it! I'm ticklish!" He cried as he fell to the ground, laughing up a storm.

"Wuh-oh! Son in distress!" Jiraiya called, grabbing a trumpet-flower and doing a calvary-call before charging over on the praying-mantis contraption. Kakuzu was almost out of breath from laughter when the Other-Jiraiya finally made it over. The snap-dragons slowed down just in time to be cut off from the ground. "There we are, you okay, kid?" Kakuzu nodded and stood up, dusting himself off. "Hop on, kid." Jiraiya said, patting the seat behind him. Kakuzu nodded and jumped up onto the contraption. "I've got something for you to see." Other-Jiraiya said right before he pulled a lever, causing a propeller to arise on top of the contraption. They rose up into the air and Kakuzu looked down with widened eyes. All the flowers, the fountains, the creatures came together to form a picture of him.

"That's... That's amazing." Was all he could say. Other-Jiraiya smiled,

"She knew that you's like it. She knows you like the back of her hand."

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Dinner that night was a seafood-medley: Tempura and breaded shrimp, grilled squid, yellow-tail tuna, lobster, sea-urchins, the works. "I love seafood night!" Other-Jiraiya cheered as he plated some more shrimp for himself. Other-Tsunade had just fed a shrimp to one of the now-vased snap-dragons before she stated,

"Your brother, Kisame, has invited you to watch the dancing fish perform tonight, Kakuzu." Kakuzu stopped eating and drank some of his soda before replying,

"Huh. Are they actually ready this time?" Other-Jiraiya responded,

"Of course! Everything is up and fine for you in this world." Other-Tsunade stood up and smiled,

"Your father and I will clean up and you can go enjoy yourself with your cute, little friend!" Kakuzu choked and coughed for a while.

"Who?!" At that moment, there was knock at the door. Other-Jiraiya opened it and there was... "Great! Another Hidan!" However, this Hidan had shiny ruby buttons for eyes and wore a pink and white cloak. "Hello Hi-dumb." The Other-Hidan was silent with only a smile on his face. "Um, hey, I just insulted you, you usually scream something back at me by now." Other-Tsunade placed her hands on Other-Hidan's shoulders, saying,

"I thought that you would like him _more_ if he talked a little _less_." Kakuzu looked from her to the new albino.

"So, he can't talk. At all?" Both of them shook their heads. Kakuzu smirked, "I like it!"

"Hm-hm! I thought that you would! Now go have fun!" Other Tsunade giggled and pushed both teens out the door. While they were walking, Kakuzu asked,

"So... Did it hurt when she..?" Other-Hidan silently pointed up towards what looked like a blue, flying submarine flying towards the attic. Both teens ran up the stairs and stopped once they got to the Other-Kisame's door. Kakuzu rang a fish-shaped door-bell and waited. Without warning, the door spun around, taking the two teenagers inside in a flash. "Ow..." Kakuzu groaned as he fell to the ground. Once recovered, he looked around the Other-Kisame's room. It looked more like a carnival, there were various booths which included one with a large fish standing on its fin selling popcorn. "Damn, just like me not to have any money on me." The fish heard this and fixed a bag of popcorn before holding it out to Kakuzu. "Gee, thanks." Other-Hidan, meanwhile pressed a switch next to a small cannon, releasing a cone of cotton-candy. Kakuzu was too busy eating his popcorn when he heard a chain of cannons firing. He looked over at Other-Hidan and laughed. "Oh man! Hello fluffy!" The fluff-covered albino simply shook his head with a smile.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" A voice echoed out through the room. Kakuzu thought,

_"Is that Kisame? No, it sounds way older."_ Other-Hidan grabbed Kakuzu and brought him to a small tent before climbing inside. "Seriously? In that small thing?" The brunette just shook his head and crawled in. Needless to say, he was more than surprised to see that inside the tent was a massive colliseum with a large pool in the center. The stands were filled with fish cheering and waiting for the show to start. He looked around and saw Other-Hidan waving his arms and then rushing to the pool-side seats that were reserved for them. Once seated, the voice began again,

"It is time for the wonderful, amazing, stupendous, Hoshigaki Dancing Fish Circus!" At that moment, the blue submarine from earlier flew in and exploded in a cloud of pale blue smoke. When the smoke cleared, There was a chorus-line of large fish. A flourish of music arose and the fish started to dance. It was a bit silly at first, seeing abunch of giant tuna and lobsters do the can-can but then when a couple of dolphins did the Tango and two sharks did the caramelldansen, it was quite a show. Everyone was cheering, especially Kakuzu before he grabbed a cotton-candy cone from Hidan's shoulder. Then all of the fish that were in the pool swam out and formed a circle around the center of the pool. There was giant splash before a tall, blue-skinned man with black button eyes wearing a sea-blue cloak and top-hat riding a killer-whale jmped up from the waves.

"Kisame?!" Kakuzu asked as the man who looked a lot like the annoyingly insane blue teen back home grabbed a microphone from one of the fish and called out,

"Thank you very much! Especially you and your good friend, Kakuzu!" The spotlight went to them and Hidan waved. Other-Kisame jumped up from from his post on the killer-whale and, after an assissting fish placed a big, blue ball on his landing-space, landed perfectly on the ball in front of Kakuzu and the Other-Hidan.

"It was a really good show! One might even say a..." Kakuzu started but stopped when he couldn't think of a word.

"A..?" Other-Kisame kneeled in with a toothy smile.

"Amazing!" Kakuzu finally said, after really thinking about it for a while. Other-Kisame smiled and said,

"Why, thank you! And remember, you're welcome to come up anytime! Especially with your cute little friend here!" At that, the Other-Hidan blushed. Other-Kisame ruffled a hand in Kakuzu's hair, "Have a good night, Kakuzu."

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Kakuzu was, once again, in bed in the other-house. Only this time, he had the Other-Tsunade, Other-Jiraiya, and the Other-Hidan around him. Other- Jiraiya looked over and grabbed the last cone of cotton-candy from Hidan's shoulder, recieving an 'hush' from Other-Tsunade as she sat down in the chair by the bed. Kakuzu yawned contentedly right before rolling over and falling asleep.

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**TG- Alrightie-then, reviews are what get me to write more (and better, because, in my opinion, this chapter was crap), so please review! **

**Tyranno's girl**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Okay, so my official plan now is to update my three stories everytime I do an update. So along with 'The Konoha' and "A True Series of Unfortunate Events', 'Kakuzu' will be updated at the same time. So, let's get started, hm? **

**Disclaimer- Nothing... **

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In his bed, with a content smile on his face, Kakuzu was sleeping soundly, not a care in the world. The sun broke in through the blinds, stirring the boy from his sleep. He groaned but opened those emerald-green eyes and looked around. It was, once again, his plain, not in anyway fantastic, room. He punched the sheeets and screamed in frustration before jumping up and running to the parlor. Once there, he tried to open the door but failed. "Who..." He pulled. "The hell..." He pulled again. "Locked..." He finally gave up and sighed, "The door?!"

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"..And this time, I saw a _real_ dancing-fish circus. Not like the schizophrenic, blue bastard upstairs." Kakuzu was in the back seat of a car, telling Tsunade and Jiraiya what had happened last night. Yet, the two adults were way too busy in their own world to notice.

"..And here," Tsunade handed Jiraiya a thick packet of paper to go with the five that he had already stuffed into the box that he was carrying. "Are the final pages of my gardening novel. Make sure that the editor's read the note and get the cookies that I sent them." The white-haired man looked miserable. He looked over at Tsunade and whined,

"Are you sure that you can't come with me?" Tsunade sighed and said,

"Honey, I'm sure that they'll love your presentation. Or, at least my cookies. Just get in there!" At that, she opened the car door and shoved him out. Then she turned to Kakuzu, "And I never said that he was schizophrenic, he just really needs to go out on a date!" Tsunade then drove off, leaving Jiraiya in front of the publishing-office. He began to walk towards the building but was topped by an accordian-playing, brunette young man and his tap-dancing dog who were looking for spare change.

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Tsunade then took Kakuzu to a nice and painfully bland department-store. While she was looking throught the black, black, black, white, black, black, ooh, and some gray, school-uniform section, Kakuzu decided to take a look around by himself. Sooner or later, he found something that caught his eye: It was that most wonderful of stores, Hot Topic! He smiled and sighed looking up, "Thank you..." He quickly walked in and was instantly attracted to a stitched-leather, green and black over-coat. "Hm..." He tried it on and looked at the price tag, "Aw shit..." He frowned. The brunette poked his head from behind the coat-rack and saw the cashier: A pale-skinned girl with long black hair and seemed to be stroking someting on the counter besides her. He smirked and straightened himself up, giving him his confident air and cooly strolled over. He layed the coat on the counter and before he even began, a monotone voice stated, hand stroking what looked like a black weasel at his side,

"Yeah, I don't haggle." Kakuzu frowned. Not only was the cashier not an emo-looking chick but and emo-looking (and sounding) boy, but he couldn't get his over-coat. He groaned loudly before yelling over,

"HEY, BIG-RACK!" A second passed before Tsunade replied,

"WHAT THE HELL IS IT?!"

"CAN YOU BUY ME THIS OVER-COAT?!" Tsunade looked over from where she was at what the stitched boy was talking about and frowned before replying,

"THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL THAT I'M BUYING THAT!!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes and yelled,

"WHY THE HELL NOT?!"

"IT'S GAUDY LIKE NO TOMORROW, FOR ONE!"

"BUT THE SCHOOL-COLORS FOR MY NEW HIGH SCHOOL SUCK..!" Kakuzu started, "COULD I AT LEAST ADD THIS TO IT?!" He waited.

"NO!!" Kakuzu banged a fist on the counter before stating quietly,

"My Other-Mother would buy it for me..." Just then, the boy at the counter gasped and the weasel hissed angrily. Kakuzu looked back towards the commotion that was taking place in front of him and asked, "Hey, what the hell is with you?" The boy looked at the weasel who was currently freaking out before stating, almost in a whisper,

"Stay away..." Kakuzu frowned and replied,

"I'm not even that close to you, and..." The boy interrupted as the weasel hissed again,

"..From her..." Kakuzu stayed silent. He was still angry but he waited for the boy to finish whatever he had to say. Sighing, Kakuzu looked at the black-haired boy's red and black zipper-shirt and saw a name-teg that read 'Itachi'. Finally, Itachi finished, "..And the little door." Kakuzu's eyes widened and he whispered,

"How did you..?" To which Itachi replied,

"I didn't, Yami told me.", gesturing to the small, now-shivering mammal. "She's very smart." Kakuzu yelled, frustration getting the better of him,

"AGH! How many of you animal-talking freaks are there in this town?!" Itachi gave Kakuzu a questioning-look and the brunette teen just sighed and seethed between his teeth, anger coursing through his veins. "Forget it... I'll just put the coat back..." However, something clicked in his mind from not that much earlier.

_"..He just really needs to go out on a date!"_ Kakuzu chuckled darkly and asked,

"Hey, are you single?" Itachi frowned and turned his head, trying but failing to hide his blush with his midnight hair.

"Not that it's... any of your business, but yes. My last boyfriend dumped me when he decided that having a weasel as a best friend was 'freaky'. Why are you asking? I'm not really into stitched up brunettes." Kakuzu simply smirked and quickly wrote down the house phone-number. He handed it over and stated,

"Just call this number and ask for a guy named Kisame. I have the strangest feeling that you two would hit it off.", before leaving to go find Tsunade: A blushing weasel still at the counter staring at the number. Itachi looked at the digits once more before asking,

"Should I?" Yami purred and nodded. Meanwhile, Kakuzu had just reunited with Tsunade who had finished giving Kakuzu's measurements and school-colors to the store-employee. Kakuzu crossed his arms, leaning against a wall near the store counter. There were a few moments of tense silence before he heard an angry but controlled voice state,

"Maybe _she_ should buy all your clothes for you." Kakuzu looked to the side but stayed silent.

___________________________________________________________________________________

"Well then, Blonderella, what do _you_ think is in the other apartment?" Kakuzu asked, now in the passenger-seat of the car as the two drove back home. The atmosphere still tense like a vice, but Kakuzu was tired of the silence and tried to create some conversation. Tsunade rolled her eyes and sighed,

"I don't know..!" She readjusted her hands on the steering-wheel. "But it isn't a family of imposters." Kakuzu smirked cynically, leaning onto the window, before asking,

"Then why did you lock the door?" Tsunade replied, narrowly turning to miss a trash-can,

"Oh. I found something that looked like eel-slime coming from it. And..." The elder blonde woman glanced over at Kakuzu. "I thought you'd feel safer." Kakuzu hissed in, taking a deep breath, before retorting,

"They aren't eels, Double-D's, they're dancing-fish. And the dreams aren't dangerous, they're the most fun I've had since coming here!" The car was silent again. Tsunade quietly offered,

"Your school might be fun..." The brunette scoffed,

"With that damn uniform?!", then leaned further into his seat, closing his emerald eyes. Tsunade sighed, leaning onto the steering-wheel.

"I tried..."

____________________________________________________________________________________

When they got into the house, Tsunade looked into the refridgerator of their kitchen. Seeing as how Jiraiya was out, she would have to handle food-duty until he got back with the editor's review for both their books. Looking in, she saw an old apple, ketchup, mustard, and a couple of tortilla shells. When Kakuzu walked in, she asked, "How about an apple-ketchup-mustard-wrap for lunch?" Kakuzu looked at the blonde woman with wide eyes.

"You're shitting me, right?" Tsunade rolled her eyes and huffed,

"I have to go grocery-shopping anyway." She stood up straight and tapped the side of her head, "Jiraiya's planning something special." Kakuzu slumped himself down onto the table and groaned,

"Disgusting..." Tsuande picked up her purse again and offered, with a small smile,

"You want to come with, I'll let you pick out something special." His head shot up and he snapped back,

"Yeah, like that over-coat?!" Tsunade huffed again. Frowning, she stated,

"Look Kakuzu," She leaned back onto the wall a bit. "I know that it's been tough. Moving from home to home. Then the accident. Now not fitting in that well..." She stood up and stated, "If the book deals go well, I promise you that I'll do something special for you." Kakuzu burrowed his head into his arms, mumbling,

"You just keep on saying that..." Tsunade sighed, brushed her hair back and called,

"Won't be long.", walking out the door. When she was gone, Kakuzu slowly rose himself up and smirked,

"But _I_ might be..." With a jump, he got away from the table and rushed over to the key-drawer and quickly fished around in it. However, he couldn't find the key with the button. He groaned and rolled his eyes. When he did, he smirked as he saw something above him. The key was on the upper-threshold of the door. Kakuzu walked back a few steps and then, with a running start, jumped up and grabbed the key. He ran to the parlor and made his way to the small door. Just before he did, all the things that everyone had said to him rushed through his mind.

_"__The fish are warning you to stay away from the small door!" _

_"You are in grave danger, yeah." _

_"Stay away.. from her.. and the little door."_

"Hm..." Kakuzu hummed just short of opening the door. "Should I heed their psycho warnings or..." He thought about it for all of a second before shoving the key into the keyhole. He turned the knob and hoped for the best.

The door was opened and that familiar blast of cold air met his face. His eyes widened as he whispered to himself, "I doubted that this was real?!" Kakuzu quickly walked into the passage-way, leaving behind his home. Just outside, near the window, Feline watched through the window. The white cat just closed her eyes and shook her head.

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**A/N: No notes, but now things will really get freaky! As if they weren't wierd enough already. But please review and tell me what you thought. Don't letthis turn out like my last published story that got a bunch a favs but no reviews.. I mean, what was that people? That was my first one-shot and I don't even know what people thought! Waah! Ahem, okay. Please read and review. Please?**


	8. The Truth Revealed

**A/N: Sorry that I've been so long. I started college this week and, along with my novel, I've been a tad bit busier than I usually am. *sigh* Anywho, I think I'm focused enough to get through this chapter of the story. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything. I don't even have enough money to buy the stuff for my Halloween costume (I'm going to cosplay as Zetsubou-sensei from ****Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei****) this year yet, let alone owning anything from Masashi Kishimoto or Neil Gaiman. **

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Coughing echoed throughout the other-parlor as Kakuzu crawled through the small door. Rubbing his shoulders, the brunette stood up and muttered, "That tunnel is way too cold..." He soon disregarded it as he walked into the kitchen, hoping to see the Other-Tsunade. However, when he got into the room, it was empty. Empty, save for a grand table filled with pizza, hamburgers, cupcakes, and a huge ice-cream sundae (complete with whipped cream, chocolate-sauce, and cherries). "Yes! Who needs Tsunade when I have my own personal buffet right here?" Kakuzu exclaimed, rushing over to the table and taking a seat. At once he began eating. forgetting all about his less-than-desirable day at home. "Home?" He asked himself right before taking a sip of the root beer float right by him. "Shit, if anything, _this_ is my home now."

Sipping away, he opened his emerald green eyes and saw what appeared to be a forest-green box with a card that had his name written in cursive on it. "Hm?" Kakuzu stopped drinking and grabbed the box. He first read the card, which turned out to be from, who else, the Other-Tsunade. It read:

_'Dearest Kakuzu, _

_Your brothers, Sasori and Deidara, have asked that you join them for an evening of the performing-arts. I hope that the food I left for you is to your liking and that the new clothes I made you have caught your interest. Your father and I love you very much. _

_Mother_

"New clothes?" Kakuzu asked to no one in particular. He looked at the box again and stated, "Maybe in here?" He stated. He grabbed and opened the box, revealing an emerald-green long-sleeved shirt, black pants, and... "She knows me so well..!" He smiled, pulling out a black-leather overcoat.

___________________________________________________________________________________

After eating more than his fill, Kakuzu walked out to the backyard porch. He didn't even take a step before he let out a burp. He immediately covered his mouth in slight embarassment but then stated, "Who's going to say anything?" The brunette jumped off of the porch and landed, with a crouch, on the ground. He stood up, dusted himself off and asked, "Alright, so where did Sasori and Deidara live again..?"

"Meow..." He looked up and saw that he had company. Up on the roof of the Other-Blue Palace was Feline. Or at least, a cat that really looked like Feline. The white creature jumped down from the roof and landed with much more grace than the brunette. Kakuzu huffed and said,

"Hidan has a flea-bag like you at home." He walked closer and continued, "Not the Other-Hidan, the dumbass who can't keep is mouth shut. You must be the Other-Feline." Feline, who had been cleaning her face with her paw, looked dead-on at Kakuzu with fierce magenta eyes and replied,

"No honey." Kakuzu flinched. Feline had just responded to him. In a voice that sounded kind of like a southern-belle, but she was talking. "I ain't the other nothin', I'm me!" Feline ran and jumped up onto the fence of the porch. Kakuzu suddenly snapped out of his daze of surprise and stated,

"Um, yeah. First off, who are you calling 'honey'? Second, I can see that you don't have button eyes, but if you're the same Feline, how are you talking?"

"... I just can. .._Honey._" Kakuzu growled,

"Would you stop that? But anyway, cats don't talk where we come from. You know that." Feline rolled her eyes and retorted,

"Well, I guess you're the expert on these types of things, huh? After all, I'm just a 'spoiled pussy-cat'!" Kakuzu grimaced and chuckled nervously,

"Oh... You, you remember that?" Feline simply hissed and began trotting away in a spoiled manner. Kakuzu ran after her, exclaiming, "Wait! Look, I'm sorry. I'll try not to insult you anymore, okay?" Feline simply huffed.

"I guess that'll do, honey." Kakuzu rolled his eyes at the nickname before asking,

"How did you get here anyway? I haven't seen you inside the Blue Palace." Feline responded, walking towards a misplaced bucket slowly.

"I've been comin' here since before you were born, honey." Without warning, she jumped into the bucket and vanished. Gasping, Kakuzu ran over to try and see where the cat went. "It's a little game that we play. You see," He turned to see Feline's head sticking out of the knothole of a nearby tree. "_She_, the Other-Mother, hates cats. So she tries to find out as many ways as possible to keep me out." She ducked into the knothole and reappeared from the shadow of the window-sill. "She can't of course. Catscan come and go as they please." Kakuzu chuckled at that.

"Wait, wait, wait. Are you serious? The Other-Tsu... Other-Mother hates cats?" Suddenly, Feline began laughing. It was full and rich but there was a bit of malice in it too.

"Not... Like any _mother_ I've seen, honey!!"

"What do you mean?" The brunette asked, plenty sure that he was about to get another tiresome warning about this place. Feline smirked, walked up the gutter and onto the roof. When she was standing steady, she said,

"Honey, look. I'm going to tell ya something that you really should heed. As bad as you may think that your life is, you should be grateful that Tsunade and Jiraiya took you in. 'Cause I'll tell you," She took a couple of steps away from where she was, "This world may seem like a dream come true... But you're wrong. The Other-Hidan told me so." Kakuzu yelled, not noticing the volume of his voice,

"Now that's bull!! You and I both know that the Other-Hidan can't talk!" Feline sat and replied, a smiling tone in her voice,

"Maybe so, but we cats, have far superior senses. And we can hear, and smell, and see things that..." Feline abruptly stopped her bragging of the feline species and looked around herself discreetly.

"What is it?" Kakuzu asked, agitated as how the conversation had gone on so long. Feline, on the other hand, was completely serious as she hushed the other.

"Shh. I hear something. Right.. Over..." With a meow, Feline was gone, bounding over the tiles of the roof. Going after whatever her 'superior feline senses' had found. Whe she was gone, Kakuzu just shook his head, muttering something about a 'stupid flea-bag', before he recalled,

"The basement! Finally, I remebered." The brunette walked down the stairs by the porch and found the engraved door surrounded by flashing bulbs as if you would if you would go to a Vegas show. "Well, the Other-Sasori and the Other-Deidara are certainly flashy." Kakuzu commented before opening the door and walking in. Instead of the living room his basement, this basement was just a heavily-artistic hallway, lined with beautiful clay and marble statues, and incredibly human looking marionettes. Some of them even bowed and welcomed Kakuzu as he walked down the hall. When he finally reached the end, there was a large black door. Engraved on it was the word, 'Theater'. "Performing-Arts, huh?" Kakuzu hummed before pushing the heavy door open. At once, when he walked into the room, his eyes were attacked by a bright light. It wasn't from the room, however. When he looked down, Kakuzu saw a scorpion holding a flashlight with its tail. It circled Kakuzu once before nodding, then walked down the aisle. Kakuzu assumed that he was supposed to follow the insect so he did.

As they walked, Kakuzu looked around in the theater-seats. They were all filled with scorpions and canaries, who had button-eyes, who smiled ecstatically, waiting for the show to begin. A while later, Kakuzu finally saw a familiar face. "Hidan!" He whispered loudly. The other-albino, who was eating some candy, smiled and patted the empty seat next to him. Kakuzu took the seat happily, he also took the licorice that was offered to him. Soon, the lights in the theater dimmed, signaling that the show was about to start. Everyone sat still in anticipation. With a flourish of music, the curtains drew back (due to the team of scorpions and canaries running on the wheel that controlled the stage), revealing a painted landscape and a prop-boat complete with marionette-soldiers. There was a melody played and at the end of that, a familar blonde, blue button-eyed, pony-tailed teen, wearing a seashell-bikini and an obviously fake mermaid's-tail teenager rose up from the fake waves. Kakuzu was silent for a moment. He then blinked a couple of times before asking Hidan, "I... I am seeing Deidara in a bikini wearing a tail, right?" Hidan simply shrugged his shoulders and nodded, still keeping that smile on his face. The Other-Deidara began to sing:

_"I'm known as the siren of the seven seas, _

_The breaker of hearts by the bay... _

_So if you spend your days _

_With sweet-looking ukes, _

_I might steal your heart clear away..!"_ At the end of the song, while the audience applauded, the stage retracted Other-Deidara and his boat-scenery, darkened, and replaced it with a clear sea, two angels hanging from the stage, mountains in the background, and an open clamshell. The same melody played and the lights came back on, then riding on that clamshell, wearing nothing but a golden **(A/N: My God, can I really make myself write this?)** cod-piece encrusted with rubies, was the Other-Sasori, with deep brown buttons for eyes. Kakuzu gave one glance at the figure on the stage and deadpanned,

"Oh Dear God." Bringing out a fake sword, Sasori began to sing,

_"The sea brings in cute things, almost everyday _

_But here's a true message from me... _

_A true god of the seas _

_must fill out a cod-piece _

_To present an alluring display..."_ The audience applauded, Kakuzu giving Other-Hidan a questioning glance that the other albino returned with a smile. Just then, the Other-Deidara looked up from the stage and frowned at the attention that his Danna was getting. The stage switched, without the Other-Sasori's knowing, causing him to yell in surprise. When the stage with the boat came back on, the Other-Deidara sang,

_"Beware of the whale who's too large in the pants, _

_I have something here to say... _

_The best beauty, like art..."_ Other-Sasori's stage came up, the red-head singing,

_"Is eternally filled with heart..."_ Other-Deidara sang back,

_"It's fleeting, you banshee!"_ Other-Sasori replied,

_"Only idiots think like thee!"_ The Other-Deidara sang out,

_"A beautiful uke..."_ To which the Other-Sasori replied,

_"Or well-endowed seme..!"_ This whole time, the scorpions and canaries had been trying their hardest to keep up with the two bickering artists, but as the two sang their last notes, on of the canaries tripped, causing the other animals to lose their tempo and conrol. The stage was falling apart, the boat hit the Other-Sasori, knocking his glasses out of his shirt. One of the angels smacked into Deidara from behind. After that, the whole stage collapsed onto the two artists and the curtains closed. The whole theater was in an uproar of hisses and tweets as they awaited the next part of the act. Kakuzu whispered to Hidan,

"What the hell was that?" Hidan shook his head, keeping the smile on his face. After a chime sounded, everything became quiet again. Then, the curtains re-opened, revealing two platforms. On one platform, was Other-Deidara, trying to walk over in his mermaid-costume. The other, the Other-Sasori was squinting, trying to see where his feet were going on the diving-board. "Are you shitting me with this?!" Kakuzu exclaimed as he looked up. Other-Deidara called over,

"Danna! Are you ready, un!" Other-Sasori answered,

"Our lives for the fairer tide, Dei-chan!" At that, they both began jumping and then when they had gathered enough momentum, Other-Deidara jumped into the air and, literally, unzipped his teenage body to reveal that of a young adult who looked a lot like Deidara, grabbing onto a trapeze. Other-Sasori jumped up and did the same, now an adult who clutched onto his trapeze. They both swung to the center and grabbed onto each other, Other-Deidara's hand with a sapphire-ring clutching into Other-Sasori's.

"Whoa. Didn't see that coming." Kakuzu stated as he saw the two in the air. The two artsists let go of each other and began to swing back and forth, performing flips and handstands and such as they went.

"What a piece of work is man!" Other-Sasori called out as he and the other blonde switched trapezes, "How elegant and noble!" Other-Deidara stated,

"With a wit that can be as fleeting as a summer breeze but as dextrous as the alps of Everest, un!", before doing a headstand on his trapeze. When he was once again right-side-up, the other red-head and the other blonde switched trapezes again, Other-Sasori swinging out to the audience and grabbing Kakuzu from his seat.

"WHAT THE HELL?! Put me down!!" The brunette screamed as the Other-Sasori only smirked before tossing him over to Other-Deidara. When the blonde caught Kakuzu, he stated,

"Wow, you have the most gorgeous emerald eyes, un!" Kakuzu blushed, besides his knowledge, and replied,

"Thanks..." The Other-Deidara smiled again before tossing Kakuzu over to Other-Sasori, who continued,

"Like sacred gems intensely guarded by a ferocious gryphin in a cave from afar!" The redhead swung the trapeze and tossed Kakuzu, who (despite his screams) was beginning to enjoy himself. The blonde caught him and stated,

"He has the apprehension of a god, yeah!" Then tossed him once again before jumping into a pool that had risen from the stage-floor. His splash into the container was accenuated by some glitter that splashed out of the pool. Other-Sasori exclaimed,

"With the compassion of an angel!", then he finally tossed Kakuzu up into the air. However, instead of swinging back to retrieve the teen, Other-Sasori jumped into the pool as well.

"Wait, WHAT?!" Kakuzu screamed, looking round frantically before his eyes landed on a bar suspended from the cieling. His arms quickly grabbed it and he proceeded to hang on for his life. However, you can only hang onto something for so long. "No no no no no no no!" He hissed as one hand let go... then two fingers... then he was tumbling down to the floor, yelling as it got closer and closer. With a flourish of music, light, and glitter, Other-Sasori and Other-Deidara jumped out of the pool and when they were on the ground, they struck poses, the red-head with his hands in the air. A few seconds later, Kakuzu fell into the red-haired adults arms. At once everyone cheered at the three; Other-Hidan whistled before he tossed a rose to the brunette on the stage. Catching it, Kakuzu looked out at the audience and smiled, waving his arms to the cheering fans.

___________________________________________________________________________________

As Kakuzu and Other-Hidan walked up the stairs from the basement, the brunette noticed something. The Other-Hidan was usually a bundle of silence and happy smiles. Right now, however, the albino looked miserable. "Hey, Hidan? You okay?" Just then,

"Kakuzu! Darling?" The brunette smiled and ran up the stairs to the Other-Tsunade and the Other-Jiraiya.

"Hey there!" Other-Jiraiya patted the teen on the head. Other-Tsunade asked sweetly,

"Did you enjoy the show?" Kakuzu smiled again and stated, as the four walked to the back door of the other- Blue Palace,

"Of course! In _my_ house those two are nothing but a couple of bickering idiots. But what _they_ did was just.. wow. That's all I can say."

"Hm-hm. I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself, sweetie." Other-Tsunade cooed as she opened the door for the brunette.

"It was great!" Kakuzu exclaimed. He turned around and said, "Bye Hidan, feel better, okay?", and then walked inside, Other-Jiraiya following. When the two males where inside, Other-Tsunade turned and pointed both hands at her face and gave a sharp smile at Other-Hidan. She hissed,

"I thought that I told you to _keep smiling..._" Other-Hidan shook his head silently, averting his eyes from the woman. The black-haired woman hissed, "_Ungrateful little bastard!_" She then harshly back-handed the poor albino, sending him to the ground. He coughed up a small bit of a deep, reddish-black substance before quickly getting to his feet and running away. Other-Tsunade rolled her eyes before turning back to the house, making sure that her sweet smile was still on her face before walking in. She made her way to the kitchen, where Kakuzu and the Other-Jiraiya were sitting. She cooed, extra-sweetly, "Kakuzu dear... You _do_ like it here, don't you?" The brunette scoffed, laughing a bit at the question,

"You have to ask? This place has to be, hands-down, the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Other-Tsunade's smile seemed to grow before she asked,

"You could stay here forever... You know?" Kakuzu's eyes widened and he gasped, asking

"Could I... Really do that?" Although, half of the question was asked to himself. _Could I really leave everything behind and stay here?_ Other-Jiraiya beamed and replied,

"Sure! We could make more music, costumes, we could work in the garden, and your Mother will make all of your favorite meals!" Other-Tsunade sighed happily,

"There's just one thing we have to do first..." Kakuzu raised an eyebrow,

"What's that?" Still smiling, She brought out a small, blue wooden box and set it in front of Kakuzu. As she sat down, she stated,

"For you. Our little doll..." Kakuzu smiled and opened the box with abandon, only when he saw what was in the box did his eyes widen. This time in fear. For in the box there were two black buttons, a needle, and a spool of thread. _The hell?_ He thought as his perfect world came crashing down with this... _gift._ "Black is the traditional." Other-Tsunade began. Kakuzu looked up at her, just to see that still smiling face tapping her own button-eyes. "But in your case, I think that a nice emerald-green would do wonders!" Other-Jiraiya cheered,

"I'm not impartial to vermillion.", pointing to his eyes, the buttons changing color.

"Or maybe chocolate-brown!" Other-Tsunade sighed, the buttons in the box changing to the color. "Or ruby-red... Or maybe even..."

"And this is where we stop this, oh-so interesting conversation!" Kakuzu yelled, pushing the box so it went back into Other-Tsunade's hands.

"Oh, but why?" Other-Tsunade whined. Other-Jiraiya picked up the needle and smirked,

"It doesn't hurt, I mean, the needle's so sharp that you won't feel a thing!" Other-Tsunade gasped and, furrowing her eyebrows in anger, she kicked her husband underneath the table. Kakuzu retorted,

"It doesn't matter how much it hurts or not! There's no way in hell that I'm letting anyone sew buttons into my eyes!!" The black-haired woman huffed,

"Watch your mouth, young man." Then cooed, again in that sweet voice, "But we need a yes if you want to stay here!" Kakuzu looked from the man to the woman, then to the box on the table. _How do I get out of this? Oh wait!_

"I'm going to bed." Other-Jiraiya gasped,

"Without supper?!" Kakuzu chuckled,

"Yeah. It's just that I'm..." He yawned, "So tired! My crankiness must be affecting my decision-making skills." Other-Tsunade smiled,

"But of course, young men do need their sleep after all. You go on right ahead." Bowing slightly, Kakuzu made his way quickly up the stairs, calling back,

"Go ahead and eat, I'll be fine!", before the door to his room slammed. When the brunette was gone, Other-Tsunade turned to Other-Jiraiya, her face revealing her fury.

"Now, now honey... It was just a little error and--AAHH!!" The brunette man didn't even finish his sentence before the woman slammed a chair onto him. He instantly fell to the ground, his brown hair stained by something reddish-black, some of it leaking from his mouth when he coughed. "Honey..."

"Don't you 'honey' me!!" Other-Tsunade hissed, "I could have handled that just fine if you didn't open your worthless, shitty mouth!!!" She turned and yelled, "And you!", to a corner in the room. A moment later, Other-Hidan slinked from the shadows of that corner, the side of his face still red and sore from that hit he had taken earlier. "You are so disgustingly worthless! I don't know what I made you for even!" Other-Hidan stiffled a sniffle and covered his eyes. Suddenly, there was a hand around his throat, squeezing relentlessly. Other-Hidan coughed and tried his hardest, in vain, to pry the hands from his neck. "I should just get rid of you now..." The black-haired woman hissed, then squeezed harder. The albino gurgled, more of that reddish-black substance dribbling from his lips. At that moment, Other-Tsunade smirked and flung Other-Hidan to the floor, right where Other-Jiraiya was laying. "I guess I won't get rid of you two..." She mused, "You two might still be of use to me..." Her button-eyes seemed to focus on the staircase.

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In his room, Kakuzu was underneath the covers, trying relentlessy to get to sleep. So that, hopefully, he would find himself in his nice safe bed, in his nice safe house, come morning.

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**A/N: Other-Tsunade is mean! But I made her that way so I'm not that upset. ^^ Please review on this chapter, oh most esteemed readers of mine. Please?**


	9. OtherHidan's Sacrifice

**A/N: TG- Now, let's see how Kakuzu is fairing at the Other-Blue Palace. But first, let's check up with how things with the Other-Jiraiya are doing. Other-Jiraiya? **

**Other-Jiraiya- (getting the life beat out of him) OH DEAR GOD!! **

**TG- Thank you Other-Jiraiya. Now onto the story. **

**Lol to the DBZ: Abridged reference. If you haven't watched it, I suggest that you do before those idiots at WMG decide that it disobeys the copyright rules and blah blah blah blah blah... But, just so no one tries that shit on me... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Kishimoto-san (although Disney apparently has the rights to some of it) or Neil Gaiman (Go Gaiman!). **

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After hours upon hours of forcing himself to, Kakuzu had finally gone to sleep. It was peaceful; as peaceful as it could be with the threat of 'eye-replacement'-surgery downstairs. But wait. He wasn't in the other-house anymore. So, it wasn't _his_ problem at all! This thought woke the brunette up with a smile. He threw off the covers, exclaiming, "I'm hom..!!" He looked around. The costumes, the dolls, and the picture of his friends... They were still there in his fancy, decorated room. "Oh dear God..." He gasped. "I'm still here?" He got up from bed and was surprised when the picture of his two friends from Takigakure had started moving again. The smaller figure, it was a girl, called over,

"Now now, Luv. No bother gettin' all annoyed. It'll be a lot better when you get your buttons! I mean, look at us!" Kakuzu turned towards the picture and his eyes widened. The images in the photo now had black button-eyes. Kakuzu growled angrily before grabbing the photo.

"Hold on then! What are you doing, Hoku?!"

"Shut up." Kakuzu replied curtly before, oh-so discreetly, throwing the photo with full force at the window. It broke through the glass and the screams of the two teens in the image could be heard all the way until it crashed into the ground. "I _hate_ false-people." He murmured before he made his way out of the room.

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Walking downstairs, Kakuzu noted that it seemed a lot darker than it was earlier. The lights had all been turned off and the building had an eerie glow. "Can't let it phase me if she's getting pissy just because I don't like buttons." He murmured. "Ah, there it is!" He whispered as he saw the door to the Other-Parlor. He hopped over the rest of the stairs and ran over, grabbing the handle. However, when he pulled, the door didn't budge. He tried again but had the same result. He let go and huffed, "Bitch.", looking around for another way in.

_Dum._

It was faint. He probably wouldn't even had heard it if he was still struggling with the door. But there it was. It was a musical note from a piano. Kakuzu frowned and narrowed his eyes. "So... Still playing, huh Other-Jiraiya?" Kakuzu ran to the Other-Jiraiya's office. Upon entering, he saw that the room was in shambles. The remnants of a thick, reddish-black liquid stained the floor, there was shredded paper all over, and the windows were broken, allowing the cool night air to steal in and disturb the mess even further. Kakuzu gave a long whistle. "Seems like I missed one hell of a party." Then, he saw him. Other-Jiraiya was sitting at the piano, listlessly plunking at the keys. Kakuzu frowned and called, "Hey, Asshole!" The brown-haired man didn't respond, but he kept plinking the keys. One...

_Dom._

At...

_Dan._

A time.

_Dim._

"Don't ignore me!" Kakuzu seethed, storming over to Other-Jiraiya and grabbing his shoulder. "You're gonna listen here, and your gonna listen damn well! Were the hell is Other-Tsunade?!" No response. "I want to go home, and I want to go now. So, unless you want to lose one of those buttons of yours..."

"My beloved..." Other-Jiraiya began, in an utterly exhausted voice. "Isn't available at the moment. But, she'll be back soon. Just needed..." A few drops of liquid, the same shade as the substance on the floor, flecked onto the beautiful ivory of the piano keys. "A bit of time to herself. Her strength..." He coughed ferociously, splashes of reddish-clack adorning the piano. "Is _our_ strength." Abruptly, the two arms of the piano shot up and covered Jiraiya's mouth before pulling him back to the instrument. "Musn't speak when She's not around." He whispered, going back to his previous task. Kakuzu scoffed,

"She's got your balls in her pocket, huh? Well then, if you won't help me, I'm plenty sure that the Other-Hidan will!"

"I wouldn't count on that..." Other-Jiraiya started.

"And why not?" As soon as Kakuzu uttered those words, Other-Jiraiya turned around. He used both of his hands to pull down at the corners of his mouth which mad his whole face stretch, like melting wax, to the floor. Once he was sure that Kakuzu's sights were on him, and they were, widened with fear. In a warped-voice, Other-Jiraiya continued,

"'Cause he made a _**loooong**_ face..." At that moment, razor-sharp teeth appeared in the stretched-out mouth. There was also something pink in there too, but Kakuzu couldn't make it out. _**"And SHHHEEEE didn't like IT!!!"**_ At that moment, a large tongue, much like a toad's shot out of Other-Jiraiya's mouth and latched onto Kakuzu's arm.

"What the hell-- AH!" Kakuzu exclaimed as he was being dragged towards Other-Jiraiya's mouth. "Jiraiya! Let go! Let go, damn it! LET GO!!!" Kakuzu yelled at the top of his lungs. He even tried grabbing at the floor just to have his fingers slip because of the liquid on the floor. "SHIT!" He hissed. He looked around frantically for something, _anything_ to get him out of this situation. To the teen's great dismay, there was nothing. It was when Kakuzu was almost touching the dripping teeth that something clicked in his mind. "This is going to be worse for me than it'll be for you!" He groaned before he sunk his own teeth, hard and deep, into the muscle wrapping his arm.

_**"AAAGGGHHH!!!!"**_ Other-Jiraiya howled in pain. He immediately recoiled his tongue and backed up. He actually slammed into the piano, breaking the instrument. Kakuzu spat out the saliva-mixture that he had in his mouth and rubbed his arm, glad to be free, but he looked at Other-Jiraiya. The elder man was whining, deep in his throat, and clutching his mouth. Even if they were made of some sort of ceramic, the brunette teen could see that the man was in pain. Not just from the bite, either. He cautiously walked over until there was a safe distance between the two. Kakuzu asked,

"Other-Jiraiya... Why did you do this?" Other-Jiraiya simply hung his head. After a moment, Kakuzu just shook his head and began to walk away. However, a weak voice said,

"Kid..." Kakuzu turned around to see Other-Jiraiya looking up at him, _truly_ looking up at him.

"Yes?"

"... You've got to get out of here, kid. Really, I don't want to see another..." The hands from the piano-wreckage jutted up and wrapped themselves around the man's mouth and slammed him into the floor. If anything, Kakuzu took that as the sign to get out of the room, the house in general.

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Once outside, Kakuzu looked around. This outside seemed just like the outside at home. So, he rationalized that it was regular outside of the house and, if he went far enough, he would find help. So he began walking. After a few minutes, he was in the forest of trees (these were actually living, not like the ones back home) around the house. "I think that I'm doing pretty well. Now, to find that..."

_Meow._

Kakuzu looked to the side and saw Feline keeping stride right by him. She asked, in that southern-belle accent of hers, "Honey, what do you think that you're doing? The Other-Jiraiya told you to get out of here!" Kakuzu shook his head,

"What do you think I'm trying to do?!" He hissed. "Stupid cat..." He whispered, receiving a hiss. It was then that he actually looked at his surroundings. The trees were getting smaller and thinner until they actually disappeared. The whole area was white, like a blank piece of paper. "What the..? What's going on?!" He gasped, turning around. "Where's the well?!" Feline answered,

"Nothin' out here, Honey. It's the blank part of this world." Truer words had never been spoken as the two were walking in what seemed to be a void of nothingness. "She only made.. What She knew would impress _you_, Honey." Kakuzu groaned loudly, the dismay rich in his voice,

"_But why __**me**__?!_ What does she want?!" Feline shrugged her shoulders,

"Mm-m-mm (I don't know). Maybe she just wants a play-thing. You _are_ interesting, Honey, I bet that She would just have the most wondrous time taking out those stitches. One.. by... one. Delighting in your screams of agony." Kakuzu raised a feared eyebrow. "Or maybe, She just wants something to love, I think. Something that isn't her. But you know, Honey," She grinned up at the brunette, "There is such a thing as lovin' someone... _To death._" Kakuzu shuddered even more at the second possibility, although it seemed to be the best of the poison cabinet, so to speak. "Or, She would just love something to eat!" Kakuzu gulped.

"T-that's c-c-crazy! Mother's don't eat their kids..." He looked down, "Do they?" Feline sighed,

"Some animals in the Animal-Kingdom do.**(1)**" She smiled again, "It's all a matter of the situation... And the flavor. Tell me, how do you think that you taste, _Honey?_" She trailed off in cackling laughter. Kakuzu growled, as realization clicked in his mind,

"You've been mocking the entire time, haven't you?" Feline just shook her head, not answering the teen. However, Kakuzu soon found something else to talk about. As they kept walking, like a mist, the form of the Other-Blue Palace reformed in front of them, the rest of the scenery following. "What in the world? This isn't possible!" Feline mused,

"Walk around the world."

"Small fucking world." Just then, Feline heard something and darted over to a nearby bush. Soon, Kakuzu heard it too. It was a small horn playing a reverie of some sort. He watched on as Feline dragged out a small angelfish with button eyes. "Hey, stop that! That's one of the Dancing-Fish!" Feline ignored the teen and kept on batting the fish around, stopping its noise. She then tossed it up in the air and when it was in reach, snapped her fangs into its fin and back. "Don't do it!"

_CRUNCH!_

Kakuzu grimaced at the sound. "Look at it, Honey." Feline said, muffled due to the fish. Kakuzu looked at her and saw what she had wanted him to see. The beautiful angelfish transformed into a hideous beige eel, dripping slime everywhere. "Ugh..."

"Hmph. Although the slime is good for my coat, I don't usually like fish. But this one was sounding an alarm." She readjusted the eel in her mouth and then darted off behind a stump and disappeared, leaving Kakuzu alone.

"Good kitty..." He whispered. Then, he took his attention back to the house. "Now, how am I going to..?" He saw a cylinder full of canes and umbrellas. With a smirk, he chose a green and black cane and stormed inside. He made a beeline for the parlor-door and 'jimmied' the door open. Once open, he looked inside and saw the entrance to the tunnel. He let a small smile grace his features before he took a step in. Suddenly, a large beetle-shaped cabinet crawled in front of the entrance and sat right on down. Kakuzu frowned but then gasped when he saw the parlor was covered in insect-themed furniture that moved like actual bugs. A voice like the sweetest sugar chimed into the room,

"They say that even the proudest hearts can be broken..." A large, caterpillar-shaped couch in the middle of the room turned, revealing Other-Tsunade sitting on it and holding a decorated box. "..With love." Kakuzu shook his head as he walked into the room standing next to the woman on the couch. "But of course, sweets don't hurt." She opened the box and presented it to Kakuzu. He almost retched at the sight of it. "Want some?" The box was filled to the brim with maggots, crawling and writhing all over one another. "The babies of maggots are the best of delicacies..." Other-Tsunade cooed as she got a handful of them and dropped them into her mouth. "Mmm! Because they're so young and tender and sweet!" She squealed in delight as she began to eat them. Kakuzu was already dry-heaving at the time but he brought up his composure and stated,

"I want to go home. With my real my _real_ family, Other-Tsunade!" The black-haired woman frowned as she swallowed. When her mouth was clear, she put her hands on her hips and chastised the young teen,

"Is that any way to speak to your mother?" Kakuzu's frown deepened as he replied, very deep, and very solemn,

"Lady, you need to quit kidding yourself. You're _not_ my mother." The Other-Tsunade's face went flush with silent fury and she breathlessly said,

"Apologize... At once! Kakuzu!" Kakuzu smirked, cold and unfeeling, and replied,

"Make me.", Then mouthed the word, 'Bitch.' Other-Tsunade growled and hissed,

"I will give you to the count of three. One..." Kakuzu sat down, confident in his triumph. What would she possibly do? "Two..." Other-Tsunade's body began to change: It started with the elongation of her body. Then, her skin gained a blackish-tone. Her fingers got longer and her hair grew matted and glossy. It was when the Other-Tsunade's body began to grossly expand and swell that Kakuzu remembered what had occurred with the Other-Jiraiya. "Oh shit…" Kakuzu whispered when the Other-Tsunade, now shaped like a grossly obese slug towered above him.

"_**THREE! And watch that mouth of yours!"**_ Other-Tsunade roared before she lunged an arm at the teen and grabbed his throat, holding him in the air. She frowned, her now-fat, black lips creasing with the action as she began to walk out of the parlor and into the hall.

"Ah! Hey, let go of me, you fat whore!" Kakuzu yelled as he tried in vain to get free from the slimy, sticky hand that was holding him. The Other-Tsunade finally stopped when she reached the end of the hallway. With a grunt, she swiftly tossed Kakuzu at the wall and he phased through the area. He grunted when he landed on a cold, damp floor in a dark, cramped space. Other-Tsunade pushed her head through the wall and hissed, smirking,

"_**You may come out when you clean that toilet of a mouth and learn to be a nice, respectable son."**_ She pulled out, making the wall solid again. Kakuzu immediately went to the wall and pounded on it, trying to see if there was a weak spot of some sort. When he obviously couldn't, he walked back a few steps and stated,

"Stupid bitch, and what does she mean 'nice and respectable'? She's the one who just trapped me in a fucking wall!" Suddenly, a cold, deep, almost dead voice from behind him called over.

"_Hey kid… would you mind keeping it down?"_ Another voice, this one feminine but just as dead, added,

"_I really don't want to see Her again. Oh no…" _It stopped for a moment._ "Not again! Why does this keep happening, Oh God!!" _It started sobbing. A third voice, this one was another boy but he sounded younger than the first two, exclaimed,

"_Wait! He doesn't have buttons!"_ The voices all gasped in shock. Kakuzu gulped nervously and asked,

"Um… Are you three actually there or am I slowly losing the last remaining piece of my sanity?" When the brunette turned around he saw a broken down bed which was covered in a small puddle of water. After a moment, a blanket lifted up, as if by an unknown force, and appeared to have three masses underneath it. Kakuzu frowned and groaned, "Oh.. It can't get worse than slugzilla out there, right?", before yanking off the cover. Emerald eyes widened. "No…" Almost see-through, gray in tone but their hair, and what should have been their eyes but instead were buttons, still held some color. They were all teenagers, the guy with orange, spiky hair and grey button eyes who wore punker gear from the eighties and the girl with blue hair with and an origami-flower, had dusty-blue button-eyes and wore a Victorian-style dress. They were holding onto a blonde boy with whisker-shaped marks on his face, wearing a private-school uniform and had shiny, yet extremely despaired, sapphire button-eyes. Kakuzu asked, shakily, "Who are you guys?" Although the blonde seemed vaguely familiar. The ghosts floated over to Kakuzu. The first one chuckled sorrowfully,

"_You know, it's weird… I don't remember my name…" _He glided over behind Kakuzu before he continued._ "But I can remember my real mother."_ Kakuzu asked,

"Why are you all here?" The three ghosts shuddered before unanimously saying,

_"The Beldam."_

"Beldam?" Kakuzu asked, confused. Then it dawned on him. "The... The Other-Mother?" The ghosts all nodded. The blonde ghost floated over to Kakuzu's side. He waved a small hand once and a sort of window appeared.

_"She spied on our lives..."_ The window showed the orange-haired guy picking up a doll that looked eerily like him, then it showed the blue-haired girl having tea with a doll that looked like her. _"..Through the little doll's eyes..."_ The window finally showed the blonde happily showing his look-alike doll to a pale-skinned teen with navy-blue hair. The orange-haired ghost continued,

_"And she saw that we weren't happy."_ The blue-haired ghost floated over and around Kakuzu, sighing sadly,

_"So she lured us away... With sweets and toys and games to play, just like any real mother..."_ The blonde ghost added,

_"Gave us all that we wanted..."_

_"But we still wanted more."_ The orange-haired ghost finished.The blue-haired ghost flew over and through Kakuzu covering her button-eyes as she sobbed,

_"So we let her sew in the buttons..."_ Kakuzu silently watched the window as it showed the Other-Mother (now in the form of a woman with curly red hair and those black button-eyes) eagerly showing a box of rainbow-colored buttons to the blonde. He seemed unsure but one look at the Other-Mother and he smiled, chosing a pair of sapphire-blue buttons. The Other-Mother clapped in joy and called over the Other-Father (now in the form of a man with long, spiky blonde hair with blue button-eyes) who smiled sadly but brought out the needle and thread. The blonde ghsot choked back a sob and the window dissapated. The orange-haired ghost stated,

_"She told us that She loved us..."_, the blonde ghost adding,

_"But She locked us in here..."_ The three ghosts came together and groaned together, painfully,

_"And ate up our lives..!"_, before they all dissapeared. Kakuzu bowed his head; his eyes hurt, as if tears were threatening to arrive, but he tried his best to block them. Inhaling sharply, he turned back to the wall and said,

"She's not going to keep me in here." Then looked to the ground and whispered, "Not if she wants my life. I have to get out of here..." He felt a gossamer touch at his wrsit and whipped around. It was the blonde ghost, holding his hand and looking up at him. Oh, the feeling that gaze would have if the eyes were still there. The blonde ghost spoke,

_"Sir? Maybe... If it's not too much trouble, if you find a way out of this, you could find our souls?"_ Kakuzu gasped, horrified,

"She took those too?!" The blue-haired ghost said,

_"Yes... And hidden them just to be cruel..."_

_"But if you were to find them, we could finally leave this place."_ The orange-haired ghost finished. _"I so miss my family... I just want to see them in the after-life and make peace..."_ The blue-haired ghost nodded, she wanted to do the same. But then she turned to the blonde. Kakuzu took a closer look too. The blonde ghost was crying.

"Hey, hey. Don't cry kid..." Kakuzu tried his best to console the little ghost, but what could he say? Abruptly, the blonde-ghost looked up and cried,

_"Even if you don't..! Could you.. Could you please tell Sasuke that I'm so sorry? Please?"_ It hit Kakuzu. He held out a hand, as if to cup the crying blonde's face but it went right through. It was like trying to touch smoke.

".. Naruto?" The ghost nodded, still crying. That was it. Kakuzu backed and said, full of determination, "Okay. I will do my hardest to get you guys out of here. I make no promises except that I will try." At that moment, two gloved hands, sticky with more of that reddish-black substance, shot through the wall and pulled Kakuzu out with no more than a yelp of surprise from the brunette. When he was outside, after falling to the floor, Kakuzu looked up and saw a figure covered in a red cloak wielding a giant axe. "Oh shit..!" Kakuzu yelled out before quickly jumping to the side and avoiding the axe as it swung down into the floor. Kakuzu frowned and looked at the figure, who was now running towards him, waving the axe wildly. Kakuz dodged a few more hits, the figure instead shattering a mirror, the hallway table, and a hole into the wall. Kakuzu finally stopped and growled, "I am sick.. And tired of being a victim!!" With that, he rushed the figure with all his strength and slammed him against the ground. The cloaked-figure struggled recklessly, grabbing emptily for the axe, which had fallen to the other side of the hall. "Who are you?" Kakuzu asked, deathly calm. Without a moment's hesitation, he pulled down the hood of the cloak. The sight made his heart break. "Oh, Hidan..." He sighed.

The other albino's face was covered in reddish-black smears, especially around his mouth where someone (we probably can already guess who...) had run a metal-wire through the boy's mouth and cheeks, forcing him into a painful smile. There were furious scrathes around the entry marks of the wire which caused Kakuzu to look down at Other-Hidan's hands. The nails were caked with reddish-black and flecks of a pale, skin-like substance. "Hidan..." Kakuzu shook his head, but conitnued, "If I free you, you can't attack me anymore, got it?" Other-Hidan furiously shook his head up and down, signaling for Kakuzu to get to work. Slowly, and very carefully, he unwound one side of the wire in Other-Hidan's face. When it was straight, he began to pull at the other side of it. He pulled softly until he finally pulled it out of the flesh, dripping with reddish-black. Other-Hidan gasped as he was freed and he rubbed his pained face. "There, that's better, ri..?" Kakuzu was cut off when pale hands covered his mouth. He yelled in fury, even if it was muffled. So, Other-Hidan was going to betray him too? It was when Other-Hidan looked deep into his eyes: The ruby of Other-Hidan's buttons into the emerald of Kakuzu's eyes.

"Shh..." Other-Hidan sounded before getting the two of them up and quickly grabbing Kakuzu before dragging him all the way to the parlor. When they arrived, They both looked at the beetle-shaped cabinet before looking at each other and running over. They pushed it down and it fell with a large resonating boom. From upstairs, the sweet voice of the Other-Mother called down,

"Kakuzu? Honey, is that you?" Kakuzu looked at Other-Hidan and whispered harshly,

"Come on!", before opening the door. The tunnel was now a winding path of old toys and dripping slime.

"Kakuzu?" The Other-Mother called and the tunnel shook. Kakuzu began to crawl inside but he stopped and turned to Other-Hidan. The albino was sitting still by the door, waiting for Kakuzu to go in. The brunette tugged on the albino's arm, whispering,

"You have to come with me! She'll just hurt you even worse after this!" Other-Hidan shut his eyes and shook his head. "Why?!" To answer him, Other-Hidan touched the inside of the tunnel and then recoiled and removed the glove from his hand. Kakuzu gasped as Other-Hidan's hand disintergrated into dust. Kakuzu nodded sadly and began to enter the tunnel. However, he stopped again and asked, "Hidan?" The albino nodded, looking at the staircase to see if anything was coming. "Why were you never able to talk to me?" The albino was still. Then, still quiet, he dropped his cloak down past his shoulders and Kakuzu nearly shut his eyes, but he looked on. From Other-Hidan's chin all the way down to his chest was an angry maze of the most disgustingly festered-over, haphazardly-executed stitches the brunette had ever seen. Kakuzu couldn't help it anymore, the tears fell, free and unretsrained. "I can't leave you like this!" Other-Hidan shook his head again.

_**"You'd better not be disobeying me again..!"**_ The Other-Mother growled as she slithered down the stairs. The albino looked down and seemed to think for a quick moment. Abruptly, he glanced at Kakuzu before pressing his pale lips into the brunette's tanned ones. Emerald eyes widened for a second before Kakuzu wrapped his arms around Other-Hidan and coerced the albino to open his mouth, deepening the kiss. It was beautiful, even in the face if danger, Kakuzu thought. Other-Hidan shakily brought his hands to Kakuzu's chest and shivered a bit. And, Kakuzu knew it was so wrong, but still, he could taste the reddish-black liquid all over Other-Hidan's mouth: It was so sweet that it made him cry even more. Suddenly, Other-Hidan shoved Kakuzu back into the tunnel and slammed the door. Instictively, Kakuzu wanted to bang on the door and shout for Hidan to open it back up, but as the tunnel began to shake again, he quickly crawled, up and out, until finally...

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He made it out of the tunnel and into his own parlor. Free at last, Kakuzu didn't jump for joy. He didn't thank the powers that be or look for anyone. There, in the middle of the night, Kakuzu Hoku sat up against the small parlor-door and cried until he just couldn't anymore. The main word in his lament:

"Hidan..."

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Soundlessly, except the noise of the impact, Other-Hidan slammed against the wall. When he fell to the floor, he coughed up some more reddish-black liquid and glared up at the Other-Mother. For the past hours upon hours, she had been tormenting the small albino: breaking his bones, rupturing organs, and just torturing the small male. He couldn't even get up, so she used one of her large hands to roll him over, relishing in the agonzied hiss that he released. She cooed sarcastically, _**"You know, you can't protect him."**_ Other-Hidan smirked painfully, as if mocking the Other-Mother. She frowned and, using the same axe that the albino was wielding earlier, cut right on through the albino's right leg. Other-Hidan's mouth opened up in a voiceless yell of pain, arousing a laugh from the Other-Mother. When it was over, Other-Hidan's chest was rising and falling quickly. _**"Aw... Had enough, dear?"**_ She smiled. Soon, however, she saw that it wasn't quick breathing that she was seeing. She observed the smile on Other-Hidan's reddish-black covered face. The little shit was laughing at her! The mere thought made her brow furrow in rage but then the albino, using his very last bit of strength, turned his head towards her and, still smiling, mouthed the words:

'Do... Your... Worst... Bitch." The Other-Mother roared in sheer fury before pulling up the axe and then slamming it towards the center of Other-Hidan's button-eyes. Right before the impact, Other-Hidan had one last thought.

'Kakuzu... The real Hidan is _so_ lucky to be able to have you. I wish you two all the happiness in the world, but still..." He closed his eyes and smiled contently, 'I wil always have a special place for you in my heart...'

There was a series of wet thuds, then the clanging of the axe to the floor.

Then... Nothing.

**____________________________________________________________________________________________ **

**There are some animals who do this. Tazmanian devils for one…**

**TG- Other-Hidan... I'm sorry. **

**I'm sorry for the length and over-all content in this chapter but if you could find it in your heart to review, dear readers, I would be extremely appreciative. Thank you. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


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